Family Photo

Family Photo

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Love

** Update: I just wanted to say thank you to all of you who have left me such sweet comments and even for the phone calls and text messages I've received. I feel a little bad though because the purpose of this post was to show God's love in action not to receive more of it!!! You are all awesome. Just so you know, I am doing great and will most likely be back with a crazy Confession Mama post later today!

I feel compelled to write this post just because I feel so loved today, it is much different than anything I've ever written before and tell you the truth, I am thinking that I will probably delete it by the time I am done writing because this is my one secret...
I have always been extremely honest because that is just who I am but for the past 3 weeks I had a secret...a big one! As a result of this secret, we began praying big prayers and planning for a complete rearranging of our lives. Nausea, fatigue, and worry about what comments I would face consumed my days. My expanding body was quite disturbing to me because it had never expanded this fast before. How was I supposed to keep my secret hidden if my body wouldn't cooperate. I felt like I had to keep my secret until I had all the right answers for the questions that people would ask. Their inevitable questions and comments cluttered my brain: "You do know how that happens don't you?" "What are you going to do about child care?" "Where are you going to put the new one?" "Isn't your house only 2 bedrooms?" "Are you crazy?" We decided to tell no one. We'd keep our little secret until we could keep it no more. As the days passed by our excitement grew.  We prayed daily for this little one and asked God to provide. Our new baby would arrive September 13th, 2009.
  On January 25th, at 7 weeks pregnant, God took our baby home to be with Him. We were heart broken. A piece of me was gone and in a moment life drastically changed again. Sadness overwhelmed me but I had to go about life like normal since no one knew my secret. I put a smile on my face and went about my days while inside, emptiness and sadness tortured my soul.
My God is good all the time. As bizarre as it may sound, He allowed me to see how much He loves me through this situation. In my sorrow, I turned to Him and He comforted me through my best friends in the world. I poured my heart out to them and they were there for me. There were no insensitive comments or effort to say the "right thing." It was just pure and genuine concern and love for me. They showered me with kindness and prayer and began to heal my broken heart.  Although this seemed more than enough for me, God still had more love to pour over me. 
  To call Chuck and Pam a blessing in my life is a huge understatement. Words cannot describe how much they mean to us. They have taken in our kids as if they were their own grandbabies; they treat Ricky and I like a son and daughter; they have been beyond generous with us; and Chuck has provided me with the most perfect and fulfilling job and work environment that I could have ever asked for. Because of the relationship we have established with them, Ricky felt safe enough to share our secret with Chuck after we miscarried. Chuck mourned with Ricky, prayed with him, and imparted wisdom on him. The next day at work his heart was overflowing with concern for me. He couldn't help but share words of encouragement with me and pray with me and let me know that he hurt with me.  What a blessing. 
I have felt abundantly loved these past few days in the midst of one of the most difficult times in my life. Losing this baby has caused me to fall more in love with my Savior because He has so clearly shown me how much He loves me through His people: Angela, Kathy, Breanne, Jen, Chuck, and Pam. 
Thank you Lord for the beautiful people in my life who do your will and in the process comfort your broken child. Thank you for making your love for me so evident through them. You are so good to me even though I am undeserving. I love you...Please give my baby a kiss for me...

"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18

13 comments:

Jennifer said...

Taleah,
I am so sorry for your loss. You and your family will be in my prayers tonight.

Much love,
Jennifer

Joy said...

Wow Taleah, I am so sorry for your loss. It's amazing to see who God has been therer for you through this. You will be in my prayers DAILY, that God will heal your heart, and bring comfort to your family

The 4 Moore's said...

Though you do not know me I have been following your blog ever since I hear you speak of it one Sunday night months ago at church when you were doing annoucments. I have seen you a few times and even saw you thid past Sunday night in the family room. The strangest thing is that I really wanted to come introduce myself to you but something was holding me back. Our kids interacted a bit and we exchanged smiley glances. I also met you once before when you had just found out you were pregnant with your daughter. You had seen my family & I in the family room; a husband, wife and 2 young babies. You aksed us what it was like to have them so close. Ours are 15 mo apart. We actually have quite a bit in common. We both have a love for the Lord, both our husbands love dirt bike riding, and our babies are VERY close in age. But now I realize I have another something in common with you. I too have miscarried. It was my first pregnancy. We had tried to get pregnant for 6 years and finally were told it would never happen. Then my "miracle baby" was concieved. But then at 8 weeks gestation went home to be with the Lord. Though you are feeling so much pain and sadness right now, please know that I have become actually grateful for loosing that miracle baby of ours because it has given me such an amazing opportunity to be able to relate to others going though the same situation and to able to try and bring them comfort, just the way the Lord does with us. Hang in there, know you are in my prayers.

Sarah said...

It's hard for others to know what to say. It seems there are no 'right' words b/c it hurts so much.
We lost our 3rd child also. It is hearbreaking and it hurts, and it sucks. And I am so sorry you have to feel those things.
I'm so sorry for your loss. So sorry.

Brianna said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I can't even begin to say I understand what your going through. May God bless you and your family. You will be in our prayers.

Michelle Bradley said...

God is so amazing no matter what he allows things to happen for his glory to be shown. Even though this is such a hard thing to go through you know you have Gods love to lean on. I will b praying for you guys :)

Anonymous said...

Taleah, we (The Shuler's) are so very very sorry! Aww, the baby would have been due on my (mama Shuler) birthday. You and Ricky are in our prayers. YES, you are loved:):)!!!

Jeana Hurst said...

Oh Taleah, I am so so sorry for your loss. I too have been there and there are no easy words to make you feel better or there is no quick fix to make the pain go away. You are one blessed woman to have such an amazing support system around you of people who are praying for you and loving you through this. I too will pray for your heart that God will allow you to heal. Much love to you and your beautiful family.

Rachel Slagle said...

i have been reading your blog for a while and just wanted to let you know that i am sorry for your loss. i, too, had a miscarriage not too long ago. my heart still hurts, but isn't awesome that we have a father in heaven to carry us through?

~Crystal~ said...

Taleah,
I am so sorry for your loss. You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers.

~Crystal

Kathy said...

This makes me cry- but partly out of the joy that you have expressed- the joy that can only come from our amazing Father. You are amazing, friend, and I love you so much.

Angela said...

I just read your blog. You are an amazing friend and an example to me. I am constantly encouraged by your unwavering faith and how you rely fully on it to pull you through tough situations. I love you my friend!

Sarah said...

Taleah, I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for always being open and honest here. It's encouraging in so many ways, as a mother, a christian, and a women with un-manicured toes!