Life's Simplest Tasks...Not So Simple

Today, the cleaning ladies came and I decided that it would be a good time to run some errands. The only problem is that simple errands become quite difficult when hauling two babies around with you. I can't just jump out of the car for a quick ATM stop, or run in real quick to return a pair of jeans, or make a grocery run in 15 minutes or less. Instead, my decision to park in the 15 minute parking slot at the bank almost resulted in a ticket, my quick jean return was anything but quick, and my trip to Costco which should have taken 20 minutes turned into an hour. 

  First of all, I know you may be asking why wouldn't I just use one of those convenient drive-up ATM thingys...well if you have been reading this thing long enough you know that I don't really do drive-thrus because of Big Mama. I'd most likely end up taking the ATM machine out and ruining my truck so I opted for the walk up ATM. I parked in the 15 minute slot and sat for a few minutes strategizing on how to get both kids out of the car the quickest way possible. I chose the Baby Bjorn and hand holding. I found the Bjorn stuffed under the back seat, unfolded it, adorned myself with it, unbuckled Maia Belle, and strapped her onto my abdomen. One kid down one to go...I have 7 minutes left in this spot. I waddled to the other side and attempted to get Noah out without bumping his head against Maia's head and without breaking my back...I was carrying about 47 pounds of kids at once. Then I got my purse out of the front seat, triple checked to make sure I had my keys, and then locked the door. We walk up to the ATM and I dig through my purse for about 3 minutes looking for my wallet which contains my card as Noah pushes all the buttons on the machine. I find my card and put it in. Then, the machine threatened to lock my account because Noah kept pushing the wrong buttons. I decided to go inside. Of course Noah doesn't want to go inside because making the buttons beep is much more fun and since mommy's machine wasn't working anymore, he decided to join the guy at the machine next to us. I apologized profusely, grabbed my child, and nearly knocked the man over with the kid strapped to my belly and went inside. While at the window inside, I was distracted by Noah using my toes as a stepping stool to see the buttons on the machine on the counter and by Maia grabbing for the pen. When, the lady asked me how she could help me I accidentally told her I wanted to withdrawal $700.00. When I realized my mistake, I screamed "NOOOO!" She shot a quick glance over to the security guard and I quickly explained that I had made a mistake and that I did not need to withdrawal that amount of money (I don't think I have that amount of money in my account to withdrawal). While I am explaining my mistake, I turn to look for Noah because I realized that the pain of Noah's weight on my feet had disappeared. I find him attempting to make an escape behind an unsuspecting customer. I run over to get him as Maia's head bobs like a bobble-head doll and the people in the bank look at me like I'm a crazy woman. I finish my transaction, put my card back in  my purse, grab Noah's hand and head out the door. It has now been a total of 25 minutes. When we get to the car, I search like a mad woman for my keys in my abyss of a purse. I do this about 20 times a day and I probably spend a total of an hour and a half a day total on just this one simple task. I finally find them and pull them out along with a handful of trash, unlock the door and once again lift Noah into his car seat while trying to keep his head from hitting Maia's head and ignoring the intense pain in my back. As I am buckling Noah in his seat, I notice that Maia has the bank receipt in her hands...it is soaking wet and half of it is missing. I conduct a fast finger search of her mouth but cannot find the missing half...I guess I will look forward to finding it in her poop. I finally got Maia in her seat, relieved myself of the Baby Bjorn, popped a few IBU Profin pills for the extreme pain shooting down my shoulders and back, and pulled out of the parking space 40 minutes after arriving. Thank God the parking police were not working at 9:00 in the morning. One simple and quick errand down and two to go...I'll spare you the details of the other two...you get the picture.