Sweaty Moms are Hot!

So today I decided to go on my first outing (not counting Dr.'s appointments) by myself with my two babies. I needed to go to Babies R Us to exchange something and to buy diapers for Noah since there was only one left. What I discovered is that getting out of the house is the real accomplishment whatever follows that is just icing on the cake. 

  My plan was in place. We would leave at 11:45 directly following Noah's lunch and morning nap. A full and rested kid is the best kind to travel with. This time also was good because Maia Belle was not due to eat again until 1:00 P.M. If I could finish my errand within an hour it would work.   Here is the run down of getting out of the house...

Noah is rested and fed. I walk by the bathroom catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, startle myself because I look like a homeless person. With Noah on my hip, I attempt to put my face on with one hand and do something halfway decent with my hair. I pack the diaper bag and ask Noah to find his shoes. Meanwhile I change Maia's diaper and put her in a clean onesie because she has been wearing the current one since...okay I don't remember the last time I changed her clothes...but I am putting a clean one on now. As I am changing her clothes I get a whiff of a nasty odor. I sniff my pits, Noah's butt, Maia's butt. My nose eventually ends up finding that the odor is coming from Maia Belle's neck. Her double chin has been storing some lint and nasty odors. I will deal with that later, I need to get to Babies R' Us. I put her in her car seat. She starts to cry. I grab the things I need to exchange, put them by the stairs along with the diaper bag, and Maia Belle. I peel Noah away from the toilet paper roll in the bathroom, put his shoes on along with a clean shirt and look around to see if there is anything I am forgetting. Noah begins to grunt, scrunches his nose, grabs his diaper and says "poop." Great! I go to change him into the one remaining diaper. All the while Maia screams. Noah now has a clean diaper, we are ready to go... Shoot! I need the gift cards to Babies R Us. Frantically I search through all the office drawers with Noah on my hip saying "bye bye bye bye bye bye." Of course, I can't find them. I will call Ricky to see if he knows where they are. Shoot, again! I can't find my phone. I say out loud "Where did I put my phone?" The little boy on my hip throws his hands up and in a high pitched voice repeatedly says, "Whey'd it go?" I flip over couch cushions, fling drawers open, and overturn clothes. Maia is still screaming. I find it on the kitchen counter with only one bar left on the battery. I don't have a car charger. For the third time...Shoot! I call Ricky and find the gift cards. I run all the bags and return items down the stairs to the car along with Noah, buckle him in, promise to return with the baby and ask him not to cry. On my way back up my mother-in-law calls and wants us to join her for lunch. The time is now 12:45. I have to feed Maia in 15 minutes. I figure it's best for us to go  to lunch since I haven't eaten all day and my mother-in-law can watch Noah while I feed my daughter and attempt to eat at the same time. My phone dies, I grab Maia Belle, run back downstairs put her in the car, load up the thousand pound double stroller and get in the driver's seat. I am a ball of sweat. Why did I even put make-up on? But, hey we made it in the car and are ready to go...now, if I could only find my keys...