Two Super Cute Kids For Sale

On Friday, I went to Chuck E Cheese for a play date with my Mom2Mom group. The ladies there were asking me how the heck I manage two babies so close together. I bragged on how easy I have it and how much I love having them that close together and how I want to have my next two that close as well. I even came home and bragged to my husband about how I feel that having my kids 13 months apart is really not that hard. We both agreed that we love having them this close together and don't feel that it is difficult at all. You know the proverbial saying, "Pride comes before the fall?" Let me tell you, that I am a living example of this proverb. All of my prideful talk on Friday amounted to lies by Sunday.

  It was my brother's wedding day and it was pouring rain. I got Maia all dressed in her frilly dress, Noah in his tux, myself in my dress, packed their bag with what amounted to 50 pounds of stuff, made sure my husband was dressed decently, and we headed off to the wedding early to take family pictures. By the time we got into the hotel lobby for pictures I had stepped in a puddle with my cute new shoes, had nearly all my face make up sweating off my face, had flat hair, and gave the guy walking behind us a free show when I bent down to pick up Noah to save him from the puddle. I could tell that this was not going to be fun. We tried to keep the kids occupied for an hour and half while we waited for our turn to take pictures which you can imagine was torture for both me and them. Not only did I have to keep an eye on them, I also had to watch my great grandparents who kept trying to sneak my kid candy while I was not looking. By the time it was our turn to take pictures, Maia was practically jumping out of my arms as she was sick of being held and I was battling with her to keep her headband on. Noah was not about to stand still for pictures and we had to bribe him with anything and everything(excluding sugar) we could think of to smile at the camera. Then came time for the wedding. Noah was the cutest ring bearer ever. Ricky took charge of him and I took charge of Maia. We stashed our seats with bribery materials and I settled in my seat and began the process of bouncing Maia to sleep while everyone stared at the crazy lady with the 5 inch heels and short dress trying to bounce the screaming baby to sleep in the front of the church. Thank God for the loud music in the church. She finally fell asleep and I sat in my seat with aching arms unable to remove the hair sticking to my sweaty forehead and falling in my eyes. Once Noah got down the aisle both he and Ricky joined me in our row and Maia woke up. We began our "keeping the kids quiet" mission. We had 4 different types of snacks and 3 toys. Once Maia was over the snacks, I just tried my best to keep her from squirming out of my arms. Every time Noah would start to talk, we would shove more food in his mouth. Finally the recessional came and we filed out down the aisle with 2 kids, one with food remnants all over his face, 3 bowls of snacks, 1 empty package of freeze dried fruit, 2 Elmo dolls, an umbrella, and 1 toy car. I am sure all the guests were thinking that we were one crazy family. 

  The next part to get through was the hors d' houvres and champagne session. This proved to be Hell for me. My feet were throbbing from my uncomfortable shoes not to mention I'd been carrying my 20 pound baby all night and apparently this was a stand up hors d' houvres party. There were no seats anywhere. My kids were starving despite the snack party during the wedding so I decided to pull out their food and feed them standing up. The only problem was that I had only packed food for Noah. How the heck with 50 pounds of stuff did I forget to pack baby food for Maia? I improvised and gave her some of Noah's food in extremely small pieces. Somehow I managed to feed them both at the same time while family members held them. Finally they opened the doors to the reception hall and I got to rest my feet for all of two minutes. No time to rest, Noah wanted to run around and check out the room. The rest of the evening was a blur. Between Noah almost dropping an entire dinner plate on his lap, falling out of his chair twice, spilling water all over his tux, Maia grabbing a glass of champagne, screaming her head off because she was exhausted, my sweaty face and strapless bra being around my waist, and everyone feeling horrible for me and staring at me like I was a pity case, I decided it was time to go. I was on the verge of putting for sale signs on my children, killing my husband, and checking myself into the nearest mental facility. If you ask me anything about the wedding itself, I can honestly say, I don't know. I don't remember what the bride's dress looked like, what was said during the ceremony, what the first dance song was, or who was in the wedding party. All I know was that I wanted to sell my kids to the highest bidder, ask the bar tender for a strong drink, kick off my shoes, find a dark quiet corner and fall asleep. I've learned my lesson: It is anything but easy to have two babies 13 months apart. Anyone want to buy 2 cute kids?