Kids + Christmas Shopping = Disaster

This morning I thought I'd take advantage of the great sales at Kohls and got up early to get myself ready and get the kids out the door. The getting ready part is a story all by itself, but I'll spare you the details. 

  I decided to take the single stroller instead of my double wide because it is quite embarrassing trying to push a double-wide through those clothing aisles. I put Maia in the stroller and had Noah walk beside me. Of course on our way into the store, Noah stepped in front of the stroller and I crashed into him.  He fell and got black stains all over his shorts. Great! We hadn't even stepped foot into the store and I already had a crying kid (whom I injured) with dirty clothes on at 9:00 in the morning. Maybe the double wide was the way to go. The first thing Noah spotted when we walked in was a Curious George stuffed animal which he asked to hold (this is our routine when shopping. He finds something to carry around with him for the duration of the shopping trip and then puts it back before we check out). I let him hold it but realized that I would have to keep an eye not only on my son but on the Curious George doll as well, because when Noah spots something else that he wants he attempts to stuff the doll in the pocket underneath the stroller, and if I don't remember that it is there before we leave the store the beepy thing will beep as we leave and I will get arrested in front of my two kids for attempting to steal a Curious George doll but I digress...We headed to the kids clothing and toy section and I looked for items for my nieces and nephew while calling out Noah's name every two seconds to make sure nobody had taken him and that he was not knocking over any of the mannequins. He is fascinated by mannequins.  He periodically would come over with a new stuffed animal and put in the stroller and I would ask hi to put it back.  As is always the case, about 20 minutes into my shopping experience, Maia Belle started crying and would not take the pacifier. I realized that I didn't have time to be picky and grabbed a few items that I thought would work while receiving "shut-that-kid-up looks" from people. As I searched the clothing section for one last thing, I heard loud grunting from a few clothing racks over. My constipated son had gotten the urge to go poop at that moment and was grunting like a grown man benching 500 lbs and and saying "poop, puuuuush" in between grunts. I couldn't really shush him because he needs all the help he can get to poop. So, I just let him hold on to my legs for leverage and grunt away while my other child continued her screaming. When his urge to go passed, I took Maia out of the stroller and put Noah in it to give everyone in the store a much needed break from her crying and to keep Noah from grabbing anymore stuffed animals and placing them randomly all around the store. I checked the pocket in  the bottom of the stroller for any loot that Noah might have stashed there and I headed up to the register. The problem was trying  to maneuver with one hand my stroller  which had 4 bags hanging from the handles and an unbuckled kid in it. Many clothes racks were crashed into and stuffed animals run over on my way up to the front. But, we made it, I paid and we headed home. When we got home, I changed the kids, fed them lunch, cleaned up a huge spill (courtesy of my son), and put them down for their naps. Then I went to check out the presents I bought...OH CRAP! What was I thinking? The clothes I bought are really not that cute at all and the toy that I got for my 4 year-old-nephew says for ages 8 and up! Looks like the gift receipts will be put to good use. Moral of the story: Don't go shopping with your kids. It makes for a super stressful experience and poor taste and judgement.