Why I Will Never Own a Louis Vuitton Purse

I went to a mom's group this past Monday at my church and one of the activities was a purse scavenger hunt. I attribute the loss of my team to the amount of trash that I had to shovel my way through to find the needed items in my purse. I felt like I had let my team down and was inspired to do my once a year cleaning of my purse that night. Because I am so low maintenance I buy myself a purse once every two years or so and I never switch it out. I use it whether or not it matches my outfit or the occasion. Thus, it has multiple functions, trash bag, diaper bag, pill box, garment bag, lunch bag and acquires many random items and interesting odors. Allow me to take you on a tour through my purse...

First, we have a pile of trash. Notice how some articles in this pile are moist. As I was digging these items out, I kept noticing that many of the items were soaked but I couldn't seem to find the source. I also smelled a familiar odor but could not quite put my finger on it.

The next group of items I discovered were drugs...Oh don't get your panties in a wad people! I don't have a drug problem. I've got asthma, low milk supply, and cramps...don't ask about the orange bottle...I don't know why that one is in there.

Amidst the disturbing content, I found a cute item...one pink baby sock. I have no idea where its partner is. I think it got eaten by the other items in my bag. The sock was a little gooey and smelled kind of like bananas. Weird!

I think I have a subconscious phobia of going hungry. I found four smashed granola bars. I don't know why I keep putting them in there. These were also quite sticky.

Drum roll please...the next item you are about to view may require you to grab a paper bag to vomit in.  I dug to the bottom of my purse and felt something really squishy and it seemed to be oozing something. Slowly, I pulled it out and realized that I had found the source of the moisture and odor. It was a black, I am guessing 4- week- old banana. My explanation: my one-year-old son loves bananas and can be bribed to obedience if promised one. I must have thrown it in my purse before a quick trip somewhere and forgotten about it. Since it is now indistinguishable, I don't think it would work to bribe my son so I decided to photograph it and throw it away.  (Totally coincidental that the piece of trash on which it is laying says "My favorite way to cool down this summer").

This, my blogger world friends, is why I can never own a Louis Vuitton purse. Louis does not deserve to be subjected to the oozings and foul odors of a 4 week-old-banana.