I used to sing. In fact I grew up singing. I was the lead in musicals at my church and school, was a regular part of the Worship team, I even got paid to sing at weddings. Yup, I used to sing. I really enjoyed it too. However, I slowly began to lose my confidence over the years and then developed severe stage fright and just stopped singing altogether...(well besides to my own babies). I decided to hang up my singing shoes as I felt I really wasn't that good at it after all. Maybe I was like one of those American Idol auditioners who think they are amazing and in reality are horrible, maybe this just wasn't my gift. So, for the past three years I've let that part of my life fizzle even though it brought me so much joy.
A couple of weeks ago, as I was planning my work Christmas Party, a few of the staff members came up with this great idea to surprise everyone at the party by doing an impromptu version of "I Say A Little Prayer For You"...you know "My Best Friend's Wedding" style? We wanted to incorporate people who don't normally sing on stage (I work at a church which is why people normally sing on stage!) to keep the element of surprise and to make it funny. Before I knew what was happening, I semi-suggested that I would sing a part of the song. As the plan began to unfold, I was surprised at how not nervous I was. I knew this was not a performance, it was all just for fun, so there really was nothing to be scared about. However, on the night of the party, I could not eat, I felt nauseous, my hands were frozen, and I could not sit still. This was the first time I'd be singing in front of people in over 3 years! I was a mess and I was only going to be singing 3 lines of the song. My husband had no idea that I would be singing because it was a surprise but I think he thought I was crazy because of how fidgety I was!
Then it came, my cue to sing, I remember feeling like if I was a character on a movie or something and this was the climactic moment, the moment where I needed to prove to myself that I could do this. I stood up, hammed up my part (completely shocking my husband) and sang like if I had nothing to lose.I actually had a lot of fun and decided that if nothing else, at least I had fun and I didn't choke.
However, God brought me more than that. He brought me validation! I don't think I realized how much I missed singing. I forgot how much joy it brought me. I had just resigned myself to the fact that I would never sing again because it really wasn't my gifting. Since that party, I've been on cloud 9. I feel like a part of me that was missing is back and it feels good. It's amazing to me how well God knows each one of us and how He knows what we need even though we don't know we need it.
I've still got insecurity and stage fright to conquer, but I am on my way!