Conversation #1Noah: "Can I take my balloon to bed with me mommy?"
Me: "No, because it could pop and you could choke on it."
Maia: (From the other side of the hallway) *Cough cough* "Like that. Choke."
Me: (Laughing) Yup Maia, he'll choke just like that! Thanks for clarifying.
Me: We can't go to Luke's house because he is sick.
Noah: But, I wanna go!
Me: You want him to throw up on you?
Noah: I wanna go to Luke's hoooouuuse.
Me: Noah, what did mommy just tell you? Why can't we go to Luke's house?
Noah: "Cuz, he'll throw up on me and dat's yucky! I don't Luke to throw up on me."
Me: "Noah! Do you want a spanking? You better come over here right now!"
Noah: (Contemplating whether or not to obey) "You have the spanking spoon mama?"
Me: Shoot! Stinking smart kid! Do I lie and tell him that I brought the spanking spoon? Lord, forgive me for lying, it's for his own good! "Yes, I have the spanking spoon. It's in the diaper bag."
Noah: Okay. (He obediently makes his way over to me)