Family Photo

Family Photo

Friday, September 11, 2009

The Exhibitionist and Potty Hog

Since my cleaning lady was here yesterday, I decided to get the kids out of the house and go out to lunch with some of my family members. Having a potty training child makes every outing an adventure. You never know what you're gonna get. Here is what I got yesterday.

Noah started out with swim trunks on which required no chonies because we were planning to play in the fountain at the shopping center. However, when we were standing in line at Panera Bread waiting to order our food, Noah started whining and loudly asking for his chonies. His swim trunks were bothering him and he wanted his underwear. The problem was that I had left them in the car and we were next in line to order. I knelt down and quietly told him to wait until we ordered our food and then we'd go get his chonies. He was not having it. He began to cry and yell for his chonies. Then, to my dismay he "dropped his drawers." That's right, my son pulled his shorts down right there in the middle of Panera Bread, exposing himself to everyone. I quickly positioned myself in front of him and tried my best with one hand (I was holding Maia) to pick his shorts up. He cried louder as my one-handed attempt to lift his shorts caused him much pain (I didn't quite get the elastic waistband over "his area") and the poor kid yelped in agony and begged for his chonies. I don't even remember how I got him to calm down but somehow we ordered our food, I got his chonies on and all was right with the world...until 40 minutes later.
After lunch we were playing in the fountain when Noah looked at me and said, "I have to go potty." I left Maia with my family members, picked Noah up and ran for the Starbucks which was the closest place with a bathroom. I whisked my way past the two ladies having a coffee date, prayed that the restroom would be vacant, and thanked God that He answered. Noah had a successful potty trip but asked to change his shorts since the shorts he was wearing were wet from the fountain. We changed and walked out with smiles on our faces celebrating Noah's success. About 3 minutes later, I realized that I had left Noah's shorts in the bathroom. I went back in and retrieved the shorts this time avoiding eye contact with the nice ladies on their coffee date. I made my way back over to where my kids were playing when Noah again informed me that he had to go potty again. Great! I ran back into Starbucks, smiled at the ladies hoping they wouldn't think I was crazy, and sat Noah down again to go pee. When he was done, I asked him to try to push more out so that we wouldn't have to go in there again. He assured me he was done. Back out we went. Five minutes went by and Noah says, "I have to go poop!" I scoop him up and run as fast as I can to the Starbucks bathroom hoping that the nice ladies are gone by now. They are not. We get to the toilet and Noah pushes and and says, "It's not coming out. I don't have to go anymore." I ask him to try again. He refuses. We go back outside to play. Ten minutes later Noah informs me that "The poop is coming." I beg him to hold it until we get to the toilet. We run in the Sarbucks, pass the ladies, into the restroom, and onto the toilet. Whew, we made it! This time was the real deal. Noah did his thing and we leave the bathroom for what I think is the last time. I feel as though I owe the nice ladies an explanation for our frequent potty visits so I inform them that we are potty training and almost let them know that Noah just went poop but stop myself just in time. They smile kindly and say they understand. We get out the door and Noah says, "I have to go more." WHAT? Why do people potty train their kids? Diapers are so much easier. I ask him if he is sure. He shoots me a look of panic, I grab him and run back to the bathroom. He finishes his business. I bid farewell to the nice ladies and we leave the Starbucks for good.

So if you were in the Panera Bread that day, I apologize for my son's self-exposure and if you were in the Starbucks, I apologize for hogging the potty and to the nice ladies, you are welcome for the free entertainment.


Lauren said...

That is the million dollar question -- Why do people potty train? I mean seriously? I remember some friends who were very proud of their potty-trained two year old...but upon watching them I realized the only one who was really trained was them.

Minimize the stress in your life -- introduce the idea of the potty -- then let your child ask you to start using it. When they're ready, they'll tell you, and I swear, it will be a breeze.

Lauren said...

that's the million dollar question...why potty train? The stress on mom, dad, child and siblings just isn't worth it (in my opinion).

When my kids were 2 we put a training potty in the bathroom and started talking about it casually. Each of my kids told me when they wanted to use the potty...and honest to God...once they were ready it was easy...seriously. All three of my kids were fully trained in enough time to go to 3-year old pre-school. The only anxious time for any of them was at the pool.

my advice is always, take a breath, and relax. it will all happen in time...

Anonymous said...

Hilarious! And this is exactly is why my twins are almost three and not yet potty trained!