Tonight I bribed Noah to get into the bath by telling him he could take his tractors in the bath tub. Bad idea. These are outside toys and have been outside for a long time. But, once again to avoid a battle, we let him bring them inside and then into the bath tub. So, I throw them in, turn on the water, call my kids into the bathroom, begin to undress them, glance at the water level, and gasp in disgust. "What's that mommy?," Noah asks. To my dismay there are leaves, dirt, and rocks floating all over the bath tub. The tractors were obviously hiding all of these outside items in their crevices. Noah begins to freak out because I remove the tractors from the tub and tell him that they will not be able to join him for bath time. Then, I empty the tub and clean out the debris.
Finally, the bath is clean, full of new water, and ready for my children. When I turn to pick up Maia, I realize that she is almost completely mummified in toilet paper. While I was cleaning the tub, she was pulling the toilet paper off the roll and wrapping herself in it. I scold her, unravel her, attempt to save what I can of the toilet paper, undress her and get her into the bath tub. One down, one to go.
I call for Noah who slowly makes his way into the bathroom and asks for the tractors again. I scare him by telling him that if he takes the tractors into the bath, the dirt from them will get stuck in his nose forever. He decides to take a bath without them. Next comes the hair washing which is always a battle with my children. I fight and scrub and pull and rinse and nearly drown them in the process. This is followed by the body washing in which I beg and bribe them to "turn this way," "lift that arm," "sit down," "stand up," "close your eyes," "lift your head," etc.
Finally, after what feel like a decade, we are done. The bathroom looks like it has been hit with a tidal wave and I feel like I have just run a marathon through Death Valley. I am sweaty, smelly, and exhausted. But, now I have to chase them around the house to try get diapers and pajamas on my kids...they love to run around naked with just their towels on their heads.
There has to be an easier way... I think that tomorrow I am going to take them outside, hose them down, dry them with my blow dryer, and put them to bed.