Usually Sunday mornings are chaotic because I like to let Ricky sleep in but I try my best to put on my "I have it all under control" face by the time Chuck and Pam pick me up. Thus, I get myself ready, do my quiet time, get the kids out of bed, changed, fed, and settled for daddy by the time he wakes up. Then, I glide out the door looking cool, calm, collected, professional, and ready to do my job when my boss picks me up. If you are a mom, you know that it is darn near impossible to do all this is in an hour and a half even when the kids are cooperative. It is VERY impossible when they are not being cooperative at all. Let me tell you how uncool, uncalm, and uncollected I was this morning...I couldn't even pretend.
Of course my son woke up at 5:30 even though he is not supposed to be up until 7. This alone could have caused a break down on my part since he woke Maia up but I kept my cool and just told him and Maia that it was still dark outside which meant they had to go back to sleep. I got myself ready in record time (meaning my hair had to go yet another day without being washed) knowing that my the kids would not stay in their cribs much longer. As I was finishing up reading my Bible, Noah started yelling, "Mama, where aaaarrrre youuuuu." I went in to get the kids up and was greeted by two smiley faces and the strong sour smell of urine. Instead of Noah's usual "Hi Mama" greeting, I got "I'm all wet!" I felt his clothing and sure enough, he was soaked in pee. Then I noticed a bunch of white stuff all over his crib. He had peed so much that his nighttime diaper exploded. Great! Just what I need on a Sunday morning. I pulled him out keeping him at arms length, undressed him, gave him a wipey bath while he cried because it was so cold, and threw all of his bedding in the washing machine. Thank God Maia's diaper was still intact but her pajamas were pee soaked too. Why do my kids pee so much? I called to Ricky to get up because at this point I smelled like pee and I had two kids crying from their cold wipey baths and delay in their morning milk. Now that I think about it, I don't know why I had Ricky get up, he is not a morning person and thus is not very helpful in the mornings because he is still half asleep. Anyways, the rest of the my morning just got worse. Noah was cranky and whined about EVERYTHING from having to put his socks on to what he was having for breakfast to me having to leave. Maia fell and got a bruise on her head and almost bit Noah for the millionth time. Then, right as I was punishing Noah for being disobedient, my phone rang. Chuck and Pam were here and calling to let me know it. I could not get to my phone because both my children were screaming. I yelled for Ricky to come give me a hand as I headed for the stairs. Noah was clinging to my leg and getting snot all over my pants and Maia was speed army crawling for the stairs. I yelled again for Ricky to get the kids and re-dialed Chuck's phone number to let him know that I was on my way out the door. When he answered, I could barely hear him amidst the chaos in my house, I just yelled that I was on my way out the door and hung up as fast as I could. Ricky, sleepily came to my rescue and peeled my screaming children off of me and I ran out the door.
By the time I got in the car, I was flustered, irritated, and smelly (not only did I smell like urine but I realized I had forgotten to put deodorant on as well). My secret was out. There was no pretending I had it all together for my boss after he'd just received a phone call where I yelled in his ear over the sound of two screaming children, the smell of urine invaded his car as I entered it, and he could see the big wet snot spot on my pant leg. My secret was out...I am anything but cool, calm, collected, and professional. I am a flustered mother of 2 babies on the verge of insanity and there is no hiding that.