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Sunday, October 25, 2009

Potty Mouth

This day was inevitable. I knew it was impossible to avoid it but it still caught me off guard. It is bound to happen to every parent at some point. But yesterday was my day to be completely embarrassed by my child in a public restroom.

It was a series of embarrassing events actually but it started here...We were eating breakfast at a restaurant and Noah informs me that he has to go potty. We go to the public restroom, he does his thing, I am all prepared with the wipes. I ignore the sign directly above the toilet which says, "Do NOT put anything in toilet other than toilet paper." I throw the wipes in the toilet and flush. They do not go down. Noah, flushes again. The stubborn wipes stay in the toilet. Noah, "They're still there mommy, I flush it again?" He tries again to no avail. I tell him that we will just leave them and that somebody else will make them flush. I try to take his mind off it so that when we go back into the restaurant, he doesn't feel the need to share the fact that mommy didn't follow directions. However, as soon as we walk back into the restaurant and he gets a glimpse of my parents, he yells, "THE WIPEES DIDN'T GO DOWN THE TOILET NANA!" I shush him, explain my blunder to my mother, and ignore the stares of all the diners.
Then, as is typical of my son, he has to go the restroom again less than five minutes later. We run to the bathroom, and he sits on the toilet. He hears someone in a nearby stall emptying their bladder and loudly says, "Someone else's going pee pee mommy? Are they standing up or sitting down. They probaly sitting down." I try to tell him to keep his voice down and I whisper that he is right someone else is going pee and they are probably sitting down. As if that was not enough embarrassment for this mommy, a lady steps in the stall directly next to ours and begins to...uh...well...uh...relieve herself. She was quite loud and Noah felt the need to comment on the situation saying, "WHOA MOMMY! THAT WAS A BIIIG FART!" Are you kidding me! I stifle my laughter and clap my hand over his mouth and tell him to be quiet. He looks at me confused and says, "BUT MOMMY, THAT WAS A BIIG FART!" I acknowledge that indeed it was and pray that he hurries up so we can get out of that bathroom before the lady gets out and sees the little boy who is commenting on her bodily functions. We successfully make our escape without being seen and I know that I have just survived the first of many embarrassing public restroom moments with my kid.
I'd really love to hear your embarrassing mommy moment stories so I can feel less embarrassed about mine. Please share in the comments section!


Jen Resendez said...

This gets better and better every time I hear it! :)

Emma-leigh said...

Sorry.. no kid stories but that has to be the funniest story of the day. LOL. Now that it's over, you can sit back and chalk it up to a time to remember for years to come.

Rebecca173 said...

OH MY GOSH!!!!! That is sooooooo funny! I really haven't had the bathroom embarrassment but the "That guy is REALLY BIG mom" when seeing an overweight person! That you can't hide in a stall they are right in front of you and can SEE you. There have been other moments of my now 4 yr old laughing hysterically at bald guys louding proclaiming it's funny he has no hair!!!!!! Don't know how offensive that is to that person. Yeah i have had uncomfortable mommy moments!

Jennifer Lynch said...

I'm with you, Taleah! Here's my story...sorry, it's long; it's from my newsletter:

Everyone has one of those days when it seems like everything goes wrong. I had one of those days – in the span of an hour at McDonald’s. It’s become a favorite outing for the boys and me to go to the McDonald’s down the street from our house. I buy a drink and relax while the boys play in the indoor play structure and get rid of extra energy. I'm very careful to wipe them down completely with wipes and Purell when we're done. This one particular day, I got the boys in, took off Levi’s shoes and went back to get a drink. As I’m ordering, I turn around to see Levi skidding across the freshly mopped floor and fall back to hit his head. After much crying and anxious looks from the employees (afraid of a lawsuit, I’m sure), I calm Levi down and give him some of my water, which he promptly pours all over himself. At least it was just water. Malachi comes running up to me with a used Band-Aid in hand that he had found in the play tunnels. Nice. I laugh it all off and try to relax. I get a whiff of Malachi as he runs by and instruct him to head to the bathroom while I wait for Levi to exit the play structure. As Levi and I approach the restrooms, I’m wondering which restroom Malachi went into – the men’s or the women’s. My answer comes in the next second as I hear an ear-piercing scream come from the men’s restroom. I open the door to see Malachi in ONLY his shirt, with a “deer caught in the headlights” expression on his face. I quickly put it together that it was an automatic flushing toilet that flushed while he was “taking care of business.” I dash into the men’s restroom, grab Malachi’s underwear and shorts, herd the boys out of the men’s restroom and then into the women’s restroom, all the while apologizing to the two guys sitting right outside for the screaming and nakedness. We regroup in the women’s restroom where I put a sticky note over the toilet’s sensor (yes, I carry Post-It notes for this very reason) and try to calm Levi down. Nowadays, Levi and I don’t normally hang out with Malachi while he’s having a BM, but there we were, just kicking it in the stall all together. I see the humor in the whole situation and completely lose it, cracking up laughing. The boys laugh a little nervously, like “What are we laughing at? Has Mommy finally lost it?” Maybe I have finally lost it. Malachi finishes up and then sees something that caught his eye. Since he’s now a gum-chewing champ, he’s fascinated with it. Excitedly he spies a chewed-up piece of gum in the corner ON THE FLOOR OF THE BATHROOM. Thankfully, I was able to stop him from picking it up. Would he have put it in his mouth? Probably.
I decided to cut our losses and get the heck out of there. I’m pleased to report we have since been back without another far.

Cari~ said...

That story is really funny... With 4 children (6 including step kids) I have too many funnies to tell. Thanks for sharing.

I read your comment on Bridget's blog about Halloween and I really liked it. I agree with everything you said and with the heart with which you said it!!

Your sister in Christ,

Tiffany said...

Ahahahahaha! I have one. When I was pregnant with Sean I had to get a special ultrasound done on him (long story). Anyway I had to take Madi with me and there was this hispanic family sitting across from us. Madi was playing with their little boy. Madi started picking her nose, I kindly asked her to stop. She looks at the dad and says to him "I have mocos". And I look mortified as EVERYONE in the waiting room was cracking up. And the dad said "Hey she's bilingual!"

Susan said...

oh my gosh... this brings back so many memories... terrible, excruciating memories of mortifying moments with my first son :O) oh, dear me... thank you for sharing. i so enjoyed this.

p.s. I am visiting from over at Bridget's blog (don't blink). I had to come over and see who it was who wrote the response on her Halloween post that was most like what I would have written. After reading your blog a bit, I had to become a follower.