I knew I was going out of town without my kids for the weekend and I knew that when I came back, although I usually have Mondays off, that particular Monday, I would have to work. I calculated in my head all of the hours that meant I would be missing with my kids and beat myself up for it the entire month leading up to my trip. I worried about it and nearly gave myself an anxiety attack thinking that my kids would think that I had abandoned them, that they would be miserable without me, and that they would never forgive me for leaving them for 4 days.
While I was on my weekend getaway, I missed them, but I was having such a wonderful time with my hubby and my friends and my kids were having such a wonderful time with their grandparents that my "Mom-Guilt" faded away.
When we picked them up Sunday night at 8:30 p.m., we spent only about 30 minutes with them before we had to put them to bed. They had had a great time with their grandparents and didn't seem to miss us at all. Still, I had a hard time falling asleep that night because the "Mom-Guilt" had returned. What kind of mother only spends 30 minutes with her kids after an entire weekend away and then goes to work the next day? I told Noah that I would see him tomorrow and he is going to be so disappointed when I tell him I have to go to work. He is going to feel abandoned, I just know it!
I woke up on Monday morning and headed off to work while the kids were still asleep feeling terrible for having to be away from my kids for the fourth day in a row. At 8:20a.m., I received a phone call from Noah. He was sobbing. "Moooommy. Where are you? Come home. I miss you. You'll come back?" My stomach dropped, the lump caught in my throat, I could feel my face become hot, and my eyes quickly filled with tears. Pull it together. You are at work. It was too late. The tears were spilling from my eyes . I tried to steady my voice for my son and I assured him that I would be home later. He cried harder. As I was trying to end the conversation, one of my co-workers came into my office to tell me something and was completely caught off guard when she saw me sobbing on the phone. I hung up and told her I was fine but then I started crying all over again. Then, to make matters worse my boss walked in as I was trying to pull myself together enough to tell my co-worker why I was so upset. He stepped in my office to see what the commotion is all about. You would think I was crying over a death in my family or something...this is so embarrasing...Ay yaiy yaiy! I finally stopped crying enough to explain that I was a basket case because I was suffering from a bad case of "Mom-Guilt!"