God Was Bored With My Blog

I have a theory: When God feels like my blog is getting boring He does something to me to make Himself laugh and to spice up my blog...

Today, after naps I needed to go grocery shopping. Despite the cranky, achey, post-5-shots Maia Belle and the whiny Noah I coaxed the kids out the door and into the car. After strapping them in their car seats, I stepped up into the truck and heard a RRRRIIP! I looked down and realized that my jeans had split in a very inappropriate place. However it was a small rip and I was not about to unstrap the kids, go upstairs and change, so I proceeded to the store. I was getting the kids out of the truck and into the shopping cart when Noah dropped his sippy cup. I bent down to pick it up heard the dreadful RRRRRRIIIPP again! SHOOT! I inspected the damage and realized that this time the tear was much bigger...big enough to be noticed if my steps were too big. However, I was determined to get through my grocery shopping trip with groceries in hand. My strategy was to shuffle through the store like a Geisha girl, not bend over, and not draw attention to myself.

I could see people looking at me funny as I shuffled my way up and down the aisles, but I stayed focused. I made it through the produce section with both my kids asking loudly to eat everything in sight. Noah finally calmed down when I told him he could hold the raspberry container. When we got the cheese aisle, Noah dropped the conatiner and spilled the raspberries all over the aisle. I was in a quandry. I had to clean up the mess but I couldn't bend over. Arggghhh! Noah began to call attention to us by yelling "Uh oh, Mommy I made a mess! Clean it Mommy, CLEAN IT!" I shushed him, scanned my surroundings, saw no one in the aisle and quickly bent over to clean up the mess. However when I stood up, there was a lady behind me putting cheese in her cart. I avoided eye contact and shuffled quickly past her, found a trash can and threw the dirty raspberries away. When I had shuffled my way up and down every aisle and made it to the check out stand, I found another dilemma waiting for me: I had to bend over to get the items out of the cart and onto the check out stand. My solution to this was to strategically squeeze myself between the cart and the candy stand so that no one was behind me when I bent over to get the items out. The checker lady basically called me crazy with her eyes and I smiled nicely and acted like it was totally normal for me to be knocking candy off the stand with my behind while shushing my kid because he kept saying "I made a mess with the raspberries. Mommy threw it away!" She probably felt sorry for my kids because she asked if it was okay to give them the left over Mother's Day balloons. I left the store with two big Mother's Day balloons, two happy kids, and blog material. But, just when I thought my post was good enough, Maia let go of her balloon. Since it had a plastic smily face on the end of it, instead of going up, it just blew side ways across the parking lot. She completely freaked out and I knew that I would have to chase it down in spite of the fact that everyone would be able to see the tear in my jeans. I locked the truck with my screaming kids in it and ran to the bush that had trapped Maia's balloon on the opposite side of the parking lot . I will not be returning to that particular Ralph's store because I am sure that I left a lasting memory with all the shoppers and the cart gatherer person who saw me run across the parking lot with my inappropriately torn jeans.