Family Photo

Family Photo

Saturday, June 14, 2008

I'll take a quadruple tall latte with a shot of vodka please...

So it turns out Starbucks doesn't serve hard liquor. Shoot! It's 9:45 a.m. on Saturday and I need a drink. Let me give you a run down of my day so far

2:45 a.m -I have only been asleep for about 3 hours and Maia Belle is screaming because she is hungry. I sleepily shove a pacifier in her mouth hoping she'll understand that I am exhausted and she'll go back to sleep...No such luck, she gags and is pissed because I tried to trick her. She decides to take forever to eat. She continues to show me how she has not yet forgiven me by peeing all over the couch as I attempt to change her diaper the dark. I get her a change of clothes, a new diaper, put her back down, leave the couch all wet, and go back to bed. 

4:30 a.m. - I finally fall back asleep after lying awake for awhile wondering if the pee will smell and stain my couch. 

6:11 a.m. - I am woken up by my lovely daughter screaming because she is hungry again. I jump out of bed and run with one eye open to get her before she wakes Noah up. I feed her and change her but she still has not gotten over the pacifier incident and decides to once again demonstrate the jet propulsion power of her poop as I am pulling her diaper off. Just what I need, another poop stain on my sheets and floor (that's right, some of it cleared the bed and hit the floor.)

6:55 a.m.- I put a towel over the poop stain and lie back down and try to sleep even though I can hear Maia's grunting noises from her bassinet.   

7:00 a.m.- If I used swear words I would use one right now but I don't so I won't. Noah is awake and is yelling for me to come get him out of his crib. 

8:30 a.m.- Maia's nap time but once again the pacifier is not doing it's job to pacify her to sleep. She is screaming and Noah is going a million miles a minute all through the house yelling "Baa Baa" because Maia is crying. 

9:00 a.m.- Maia finally dozed off and I need to let Noah get some of his energy out. We go outside to the mailboxes (his favorite thing to play with.) 

9:13 a.m.- Noah starts grunting really loudly and  assumes the squat position. His face turns bright red and I hope that the lady who is passing us with her dog does not notice what is going on. 

9:15 a.m. - Noah and I return to the house for a diaper change and as we enter are bombarded with Maia Belle's angry crying. I put Noah down so I can get Maia. He walks around the house filling it with the nasty aroma leaking out of his diaper all the while yelling "Baa baa." I wince every time he falls on his butt because I am thinking of the contents of his diaper getting smooshed and spread around and wonder how many wipes it will take to get the job done. 

9:30- Maia Belle is still screaming but I cannot handle the smell anymore I change Noah's diaper (gag) while she screams from her crib and he continues to yell "Baa baa." I use an insane amount of wipes and miraculously avoid getting poop on my fingers. 

9:35- I put Noah down for his nap and tend to the screaming child.

9:40 - Both kids are finally asleep.

9:43- Mid Life Crisis Man starts his car, revs his engine really loud, and peels out to leave for the day. I remind myself vandalize his car tonight. (This is my crazy neighbor, whose garage is right underneath my kids' room)

9:45- Thank God my kids slept through the commotion. I sit down at the computer to blog and realize that even though I am not a drinker, if Starbucks served coffee with hard liquor in it, I would probably be down there right now getting myself a drink. 

1 comment:

Sarah said...

Why do I feel an odd sense of justification in this? Especially the title. heee! I am so right here with you, sister!!! And to think this was all before noon. On a Saturday.


"the days are long, but the years are short." Or so I'm told.