No Pacifier = Pain

I am sitting on my computer on the verge of tears all over pacifiers being thrown in the trash.

Yesterday evening while I was church, I received a text from Ricky saying that Noah decided that he wanted to be a "big boy" and throw all his "night-nights" in the trash. WHAT?! I was not prepared for this...did Ricky understand that this would mean no sleep for days? Did he know that there was no going back? Did he know that we hadn't discussed our plan of action in detail yet? Did he know that I had not put my "emotional armor" on yet? I was not ready for this! WHY ON EARTH would he let Noah do this?

After church I called and asked what had happened and he said that Noah decided he wanted a Cranky toy more than his night-nights so he just got them out of his crib, threw them in the trash and said, "Where is my Cranky?" I explained to my hubby that there was no turning back now, which he totally did not understand. But, he agreed to go about things my way. So, we went to the store as a family and bought Noah his toy and made a big deal out of the whole thing.

At bed time, Noah took 2 hours to fall asleep. It was torture for me to watch him long for his security and his comfort. He was just so restless. At 12:30 a.m., he cried for me. At 1:19 he asked for his night-nights. At At 3:29 a.m., he asked me to sing to him. At 5:00 a.m. he said that he didn't want Cranky anymore, he just wanted his night-nights. At 5:15 a.m. he cried again. At 5:35 a.m. he whined and moaned. At 5:55 a.m., he cried for daddy. At 6:00 a.m. I finally got him up and we watched a movie.

I am physically and emotionally exhausted. Whenever he has been disobedient today, I've blamed it on myself for taking away his security, his night-nights. I know this is not true but I feel awful. It's my own fault for letting him have them for so long. The doctor told me to take them away when he turned 1 but I didn't listen.

Right now is nap time and he is crying for his night-nights. He is so tired but he can't seem to fall asleep without them. I am a wreck. If I go in his room and see his big tears, I might just run to the store and get him a pacifier.

I know that I will look back at this moment later and think how silly it was to be so emotional over a pacifier, but right now it feels like the end of the world.

Ricky just got Noah to fall asleep by rubbing his back. I am going to go enjoy what is sure to be a short nap time...

Pray for me...