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Friday, April 29, 2011

The Servant

So, it's been tough to find time to blog. You see I'm just trying to keep my kids and myself alive! Things are going okay around here in spite of my sleep deprivation and Maia's comment about wanting to trade her baby brother in for a quieter one. The good thing is that since Malakai is such a loud cry baby, he seems not to mind noise and will sleep through high volumes (even the cleaning lady vacuuming under his bassinet while he is in it)!

Anyways, I have been learning a lot about what it means to serve the way Jesus served in this transition to 3 kids. I've also been learning that I have some issues with entitlement (Ew)! While I was pregnant with baby #3, I prayed for a mellow, easy going, good sleeper. Instead I got a non-sleeping cry baby who wants to be held all the time. I found myself waking up in the middle of the night with him, being angry at God. Ummm, helloooo God?! Did you make a mistake? This is not what I asked for. I think I deserve an easy baby because that is what I prayed for. Sheesh!
In hindsight, I realize that what I deserved was to be struck down with lightening! Who do I think I am talking to God like that? After a few weeks of wrestling with God and acting like an entitled brat, I see now that God is teaching me what it means to be a true servant. In my quiet time the other day I was reading in Matthew 13 how Jesus served, served, served, was tired and needed a rest, but had compassion on the people and served some more. He didn't do it solely out of obedience to God, He didn't do it for what He would get out of it, He didn't do it and keep a tally so that He could come back later and tell all the people He healed,what they owed Him. Jesus did it purely out of LOVE expecting nothing in return. What's even more amazing is that Jesus served these people knowing that these were the same people who would beat, mock, and kill Him!
This completely changed my perspective from seeing this cry baby of mine and my two needy toddlers as a non-answered prayer to seeing them as a blessing and an opportunity to be like Jesus. I am called to serve them and expect NOTHING in return simply out of love for God and love for them. Even when I am exhausted, I am to continue serving with zero sense of entitlement. I am owed nothing for doing what I am commanded to do. Sheesh! Talk about being humbled...
Seeing things from this point of view has begun to make this adjustment to 3 kids a lot easier. When my cry baby refuses to go back to sleep at 3 a.m and I can barely keep my eyes open, I find myself praising God that I get to serve Him by loving on this baby. It is a constant battle for me to take my thoughts captive when I start thinking that "I deserve to sleep," or "I deserve a break," etc. but, it's a battle that's worth fighting because I want to love like Jesus loved. I owe Him everything and He owes me nothing. It's been a good mommy lesson for that I will be learning for a long time!

1 comment:

Kate Wilkinson said...

Thank you so much for your open and honest confession. So many times I have felt the same way when my crying baby wakes me from a sound sleep. It's so hard to not get angry and upset when you're living on fumes. I remember a particularly hard period where my little man was waking every 2 hours for a week solid. I finally had to commit myself to prayer everytime I walked down the dark hall to his room and say "Thank you Lord that I have a baby that is healthy enough to cry when something is wrong."

The best mothers are servants and I am so glad to be reminded of that by you. : )