For White People Marrying Into Latin Families

Okay, so this is going to be totally politically incorrect, but it's my blog and I am okay with that! The other day, we had some friends over and we were discussing the learning curve that our spouses had to overcome when marrying into our Latin families. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that it would have been extremely helpful for my husband to have had a list of written warnings before he asked me to marry him. This way there would have been no surprises and a lot less awkward moments. If you are Latin, you will totally understand what I am talking about. If I could go back in time here, is the warning list I would have given to Ricky before he bought my ring.

1. When I say, "We are having a family gathering at 5:00p.m." it means there will be at least 50 people there including people I do not know, but who are somehow "my cousins" and everyone will not get there until 7:00p.m. Punctuality is relative.

2. At some point my grandmother will call you, me, or someone in the room fat at every family function or will let us/them know that our/their hair is ugly or that they just do not look good. This is normal, don't get offended.

3. When you enter the room at these family gatherings, you must greet everyone in the room individually with a hug or you will be thought of as rude, inconsiderate, and anti-social. This goes for when you leave the gathering as well. So, start leaving 30 minutes before you want to get out the door.

4. Any time we go to one of my Latin family member's houses you will be offered food. Eat it! And always ask for seconds. It's a compliment.

5. If you are not a doctor, lawyer, or accountant, my grandfather will insult you and ask you why you are not one of these professions. He will also ask you for the exact amount of your yearly wages, and there is no way to get out of answering this one.

6. My grandfather will take about 7 years to learn your name, until then, he will just refer to you as "Michael." Just answer to it.

7. If you want to get on my grandfather's good side but do not fall into one of the approved professional categories, do not fear, there is hope. Become a fan of "los Doyers" and all is well.

8. There is always some type of family drama happening and everything is a BIG deal! Every family gathering is almost guaranteed to end with someone being upset about something. If you want all the details, just call grandma. She will give you all the scoop in the most entertaining and dramatic fashion.

This about covers it.