Today, I decided to see if I put her in Cinderella chonies instead of in a pull up, she would go poop in the toilet instead of in her chonies. Before we left the house I said, "You don't want to poop on Cinderella's face do you? If you poop on her face, then mommy will have to throw your chonies away and Cinderella will have to go in the trash." Sounded like pretty good motivation to me. However, Maia obviously did not see it as any form of motivation whatsoever...
Maia is sitting on the floor in the book store reading a book when she pauses looks up at me with a pained look on her face, leans side ways, and lifts one butt cheek up off the floor. I instantly panic and yell "NO!" I stand her up and see a lump in her chonies. I grab her hand and quickly run toward the ladies' room. I am trying to be discreet. She is crying loudly. To my absolute horror, I see a tiny brown ball roll out onto the floor as we are making our way through the children's section. There is no time to stop and pick it up, besides I have nothing to pick it up with. I pray no one discovers it until I have a chance to get back to it. I pick Maia up, hold her at arms length hoping that will help contain any more poop balls that may try to escape from her chonies, and I speed walk the bathroom. As far as I know, no one knows that I am in a crisis or that there is a human poop ball on the floor in the children's book section of the bookstore.
I reprimand Maia, throw Cinderella in the trash, clean up my daughter as best as I can with toilet paper as she sits on the toilet (no seat cover, gross I know), and proceed to disinfect her at the sink (Thank God no one walked in as I held my bare bottom child over the sink cleaning her with soap and water).
All the while, I am praying that the poop ball is undisturbed and that I can get to it before anyone steps on it. We walk out of the bathroom, Maia is going "commando." I am asking God to let no one discover that she has no chonies on that I might be spared a visit from CPS for inappropriately exposing my daughter. I walk straight to the spot where the run-away poop ball had landed and almost let out a squeal of delight when I catch a glimpse of it un-smooshed. I nonchalantly grab a piece of scrap paper out of my purse, quickly glance at my surroundings to make sure no one is watching, swoop down and pick up the escapee with the paper, and throw it in a nearby trash can. Phew! Maia and I swiftly walk toward the exit, being sure not to make eye contact with anyone lest our guilty faces give us away. I had a vision of the sensors beeping loudly as we made our way out the door and a loud voice coming over the speaker announcing to everyone what had just transpired. That did not happen. We exited unnoticed and made it to the car where a pull-up was waiting for Maia.
Note to self: Always put Maia in a pull-up! It's okay if she still goes poop in a pull-up when she is 10. At least you will not ever have to worry about her pooping on the floor in a public place.