I'm Firing Myself

I cannot seem to master the art of taking my son pee in the standing position without making a complete mess. Today, he peed all over two pairs of shorts, two t-shirts, my truck, my purse, a trash can, and a wall.

This may be a totally inappropriate topic but I am just so frustrated that I must address it. I thought that I would start letting Noah stand up to go pee because that is what boys are supposed to do... and because it is more convenient when outside and when using public restrooms...you know, to avoid seat covers, germs, and diseases? Well, it turns out it is not more convenient. It is actually much messier and germy-er than I anticipated.

Today, while at Costco, I attempted this, and instead of Noah's pee stream going in the toilet it went all over the back wall, and onto the floor which resulted in me gagging and wiping down the wall and the floor in the stall with toilet paper. Later, while at my mom's I attempted this again, this resulted in once again completely missing the toilet and making it into the trash can on the side of the toilet, all over the towel cabinet adjacent to the toilet, and down onto the poor boy's shorts. However, the biggest pee failure of the day happened at the park.

We were getting into the car on our way home from the park when Noah says he has to go pee. I decide that it will be much easier to just let him go next to the truck rather than taking him all the way to the bathroom. I still have my purse on my shoulder, because I have not gotten around to putting it in the truck. I position Noah facing the truck so no one will see him. I don't even have a chance to get him "aimed" when the stream begins to flow. It shoots all over the truck and splashes back at us, I scream, he cries, my purse falls down my shoulder right into the pee stream, it ricochets back onto my arm and my shirt and even on my face and onto Noah. I get flustered and forget that I am holding his shirt up. I let go and his shirt and shorts gets soaked. I hear laughter. Ricky is watching the whole scene from the driver's seat via the side view mirror. I yell at him to stop laughing and bring me some wipes and then I continue on a rant about why he would let me take Noah pee when he is the boy, the one who doe this all day every day! I don't pee standing up, how should I know how to do this? Meanwhile, Noah is whining because he is soaking wet, and he thinks he's ruined the truck since he peed all over it.

So, my solution to all this is that Ricky must now take Noah potty whenever he is with us. If he is not with us, Noah will pee sitting down. End of story.