List of Happenings Today

There are ants all over my house. I am typing in the dark because Maia Belle sleeps in the office (our house is tiny) and I can feel them crawling on my hands and legs. Gross, I know.

Twice today Noah peed as I was changing his diaper on my bed. Both times I screamed and scared him. He cried and stopped peeing and I was afraid to remove the diaper for fear that he would pee again so I just stood there...(sorry I had to take my hand off the keyboard for a second to slap the ant about to crawl up my shorts)...covering him with the diaper for awhile as he cried. I didn't wash my sheets. I look forward to getting in my smelly bed after writing this post.

We took Maia to get her ears pierced and I felt like a horrible vain mother as she cried. I also think that they are a little bit crooked but I hope everyone will lie to me and say that they are not.

I caught myself looking at myself in mirrors and windows all day long admiring my new hair cut. Once again I felt vain.

Three times my dad told me to eat some carbs and fat because I am too skinny. He said fat is good for me...I think that is a Latin thing.

I realized that shoveling food in my mouth in record time at meals is a habit now. Ricky and I went to dinner tonight without Noah and I found myself done with my meal before Ricky had even taken a second bite of his.

I felt awkward breast feeding Maia in the middle of a nice restaurant. Even though I had my Hooter Hider, I felt like people were staring at me and I was tempted to just let her scream instead so that they would understand.

Noah pretended to pick his "mocos" looked at his fingers and said "eewww"

I think Maia can roll over but it is a mystery. I put her down on her belly last night and when I went to get her this morning she was on her back. I put her back on her belly while she was awake today and she didn't even try to roll over. I might need to install a hidden camera in the office above her bassinet so I can see her roll over.

My Hair is Gone!

I finally did it. I chopped my hair off! Remember my story about Jose Eber standing me up? Well, the girl who I was supposed to be a hair model for felt really bad and offered me a free hair cut. Today I went down to Beverly Hills and Sheena chopped off my hair. I feel about 10 lbs lighter now that all my hair is gone. She put it in a ponytail and cut it off when she started. So I still have my ponytail of hair which I plan on donating to Locks of Love, but right now I am using it as a bribing tool for Noah. He is scared of it so I threaten to touch him with it if he doesn't listen to me...It's working great...I don't know if I will be able to part with it! 

Operation: Dine Out

Tonight we went out to dinner at CPK with Ricky's family. All in all it was a successful dinner without any major melt downs. However, going out to dinner takes lots of strategic planning on my part. We have to start off giving Noah crayons and the kids menu which lasts about 3 minutes. We, hope that the server comes and takes our drink order during this time and I pray that everyone makes up their mind about what they are going to eat by the time the server gets back. (If someone is not ready to order, I move my son next to that person so they can deal with him at the end of the meal.) Right about the time the drinks come (if the server is good), Noah begins to draw on the table and eat the crayons (and tonight he made dents in the table by banging a spoon against it...sorry CPK). This is the signal to move on to feeding him his dinner. I am usually trying to cover up Noah's crayon marks (or dents) on the table as I tell the server what I want.  I then take the crayons away, pray with Noah, and begin to feed him his dinner. If I time it just right and the cooks are quick, our food will come just as I am finishing feeding my son. I pull out the finger foods that I can set in front of him and he eats by himself so I can eat my dinner. Most of the time this food ends up smooshed in between his fingers, in his hair and all over the floor. I shovel my food into my own mouth trying to finish as quickly as possible in the short amount of time I have while he makes a mess (usually I have my other child attached to my boob at this point). After about 7 minutes of mess making, Noah will say "dow?" He wants to get down, but no one is ready to leave. This is when we give him a kids cup with water and a straw which lasts for another 5 minutes, then the inevitable "dow?" comes again. I pull out the last of my bag of tricks, grapes. I give them to him very slowly and hope that everyone will finish eating and the server will bring the check. On a good day, the server is quick, and we get out of the restaurant without a scene. On a bad night, Noah has a melt down and screams to get down, and when we let him down he visits other tables by standing right at their table and staring at them as they eat. I have to then interrupt Maia from her "meal" to get Noah and apologize to the table while Maia screams. 

  Needless to say, I don't enjoy eating out anymore. I usually don't remember how my food tasted after we go out because I just tried to get it down as fast as I could in my limited amount of time. Dining out with small children is an art. It requires strategy, planning, and meticulous timing. Do any of you mothers feel this way? 

In Noah's Words

This post is mostly for me! I want to be able to look back and remember some of the things Noah said when he was 16 months old. He is so funny and I don't want to forget these things. 

"Mocos" (said with a scrunched face)= Boogers. Then he holds up his fingers and says "see?" He wants to see his boogers after I get them out of his nose. I know this is gross but it's so funny. Sorry if I just made anyone gag! 

"Butt"= buttons

"Guck" = Chuck

"Ny-night"= pacifier

"Gu-wayss"=Grapes

"Hi mum" = my pink phone

"Ya ya"= Undignified by David Crowder band. His favorite song that I listen to about 37 times a day.

"Ze-watt"= water

"Woo-Hoo"(in a high pitched voice)= Belly Button

"Pee-yo"= pillow

"gurkey"= Any kind of meat

"Ah-cah-co"= Avocado

"Bop" (in high pitched voice)- Milk (it's the noise the microwave makes when his milk is done) He actually has stopped calling his milk "bop" though and now calls it "malk" 

My personal favorite at the moment is...

"Bup"= Grammie Pammie. Don't ask. I have no idea where he got this.

Letter to Mid-Life Crisis Man

Dear Mr. Mid-Life Crisis Man,

You have been our neighbor for about a year now and although I prayed daily for your departure it seems you are here to stay. Because of your prolonged stay, I decided that it is time I address your Mid-Life Crisis ways in hopes that I will refrain from vandalizing your stereo, car, and vocal chords and you will grow up and realize that you are a 45 year old man who is responsible for his 5 children.
I understand that you are unemployed however the rest of your neighbors are responsible citizens and are employed and must wake up early to go and earn their living. Thus, we do not appreciate you partying in your garage until 3:00 a.m. yelling to the high heavens in your drunken state. No one wants to hear the inappropriate language that you and your ever changing lady friends use. My child sleeps directly above the garage that you party in and he does not wear ear muffs to sleep.We also do not care for the 80s butt rock that you blast from your car upon your return from the bars at 2:00 a.m. We'd appreciate it if you kept your music to yourself at these hours.
Next I'd like to address the issue of your car. To put it simply: Nobody thinks you're cool because of your car. No amount of revving your engine will change that. It is pointless to rev your engine every time you leave and every time you return, especially at 2 a.m. when my kids are trying to sleep. Also, when your16 year-old daughter's friends are over for a visit, you can stop peeling out in your car down the alley to try and impress them because I am almost positive that they are unimpressed. It would probably serve you well to look into a 4 door mini-van or SUV that would be better equipped to transport your 5 children. Your 2 door, "corvette engined" pontiac just isn't cutting it. I know it will be hard to give up your loud engine and the youthfulness that you feel driving around in your obnoxious sport's car, but let's face it, you are no longer a youth.
Lastly, I like to suggest that you stop partying with your teenage children and their friends. I know that it probably makes you feel young when you drink beers with the teenagers and hang out in your garage all night long (which is once again directly underneath my children's bedroom) but if I was one of your kid's friends, I can guarantee that I would be thoroughly creeped out by you. Mr. Mid-Life Crisis Man, might I advise you that you are the parent and should start acting like one.
In summation get a job, get a mini-van, be quiet, and grow up!


Sincerely,
Practically Insane Mother of Two Babies with Whom You Share a Wall

Jose Eber Stood Me Up

I don't really want to talk about it, but maybe if I do, I'll feel better. I was stood up today by Jose Eber himself. I was supposed to be a hair model today and I drove all the way down to Beverly Hills to get my hair cut and styled in the famous Jose Eber salon. I woke up this morning like a child on Christmas. I arrived at Jose Eber's salon and tried to my best not to make a fool of myself by revealing my excitement. I was directed up to the VIP room and the girl who was going to be cutting my hair met me in there and we discussed my hair cut. Then a lady called her out of the room. When she came back I could tell something was wrong. She informed me that Jose Eber would not be coming and she would not be able to cut my hair. What?! I drove all the way down here, spent $30 in gas money, got my eyebrows threaded, changed my clothes 15 times, and wore extremely uncomfortable heels to be stood up by Jose Eber?! Imagine a child waking up on Christmas morning running down stairs anticipating all the presents Santa left for her and as she rounds the corner, she sees that he left her absolutely nothing. Yup, that pretty much describes my moment. It sucked. I felt bad for the stylist because it wasn't her fault. She drove all the way out there for nothing too. So, I kept my cool and played it off like it was no big deal but I went straight home and ate a gallon of ice cream and tried to convince myself that I am just meant to have long stringy hair forever. 

 Sorry for the scary picture. I was trying to capture my disappointment. Can you see it? 

Queen For a Day!

Oh my gosh! I am giddy with excitement. I can barely keep my fingers on the keyboard! Remember my post To Cut or Not to Cut? Well, the question has now been answered in the coolest way ever! My friend Tiffany over at www.tiffluvslife.typepad.com has a sister who does hair for the stars...yeah, the Hollywood ones. Anyways, she needed a hair model who wants a change in style. I thought hey that's me! So, I volunteered. I really don't know why she has to do this, but I don't even care. All I know is that I am going to Jose Eber's salon tomorrow to get a way -too -expensive- for- my -bones -haircut for FREE! A friend of mine got her haircut in Beverly Hills last year and paid $500! Can you believe that? Never in my lifetime would I pay that kind of money! I have trouble forking over $25. Obviously I don't belong in Beverly Hills but who cares? I am bringing good ol' Chino to Beverly Hills tomorrow....Um, what should I wear. I don't have any clothes worthy of Beverly Hills. Oh and what about my toes? How can I go to Beverly Hills with a 2 month old pedicure? And my unibrow, I am sure no one in Beverly Hills walks around with a unibrow. I obviously have a lot of work to do so I can make myself presentable for the paparazzi...what?...the paparazzi won't care what I look like?...why not?...I will be walking out of Jose Eber's salon with a schnazzy new do!!!

A Crush at One?

It's official, my son has a crush on Carrie Underwood. My son's surrogate grandpa, Chuck, warned me but I didn't believe him. He told me that when he plays Carrie Underwood's "All American Girl" video Noah goes into a trance. Well, today we were having company for dinner and as I was trying to cook dinner, Noah was driving me crazy and I needed something to keep him occupied. I don't really let him watch T.V. yet so that wasn't an option...hmmm, what was I going to do? Then, I remembered what Chuck had told me and I decided now was as good a time as any to see if Miss Underwood could work her magic on my kid for awhile. I pulled up the video on you tube and here is what happened...  

Yup, this was about the 4th time in a row that he had watched that video and he was mesmerized. Should I be worried? 

I Did It!

You may not think this is that big of a deal, but it is a HUGE deal to me! I finally went through a drive thru for the first time in Big Mama! For those of you who don't know who Big Mama is, she is my big massive truck who I have trouble maneuvering and refuse to take through a drive thru for fear of getting stuck or driving through the actual restaurant.

Today I was super hungry. I felt like a bottomless pit because even after finishing my lunch at work I was still hungry. So, I decided to go get myself something else to eat but I needed to be quick because I had to get back to my office to pump by 2. I decided to get a burrito from a place called Miguel's. My original plan was to park Big Mama and run inside but then I remembered how compact their parking lot is and decided to brave the drive thru because it posed less of a threat to Big Mama. As I pulled up to the restaurant, there was a long line of cars and I had to just sit at the end of the line and visualize my myself driving Big Mama over the curb and getting stuck in the drive thru line with a bunch of hungry people behind me pissed off. I was snapped out of my day dream by loud honking behind me.  I pulled up to the speaker and ordered my food with a shaky voice. My palms were sweaty and my heart was pounding as I approached the curve to get to the food window. I remembered my husband's instructions to take the turn wide, so I did. SHOOT! I hit the curb with my right tire. I told myself to calm down and just let the tire rub up against the curb and pulled forward to the sound of rubber scraping. But now I was too far from the food window. I felt like the biggest idiot as I leaned half of my body out the car window to pay for my food. I noticed two of the guys working there look at each other and laugh. I just know they were laughing at me and my inability to drive my truck properly. Finally, I got my food, drove away, and felt a strange sense of accomplishment despite my clumsiness. My first drive thru experience was a success minus a pulled muscle in my back from leaning so far out the window I almost fell out of the car and a few little scratches on the rim of Big Mama from the curb. 

Boys are Weird

I'll never figure them out. I've given up on trying. What is so funny about watching somebody get hurt? I've noticed that boys seem to enjoy this. My husband enjoys watching TV shows that show people doing extreme sports and falling and hurting themselves. He really enjoys watching hockey...but only if there are a lot of fights during the game. Or what about Cage Fighting? Boys love to watch these guys beat each other to a bloody pulp. They get some strange thrill out of watching people fall or get beat up. I tried to convince myself that boys are not born with this trait but rather acquire it by peer pressure. However mytheory was proven wrong today. Noah, my 1 year old, was born with this boy trait. 

One of the Best Inventions Ever

I have fallen in love with Vons. It is definitely more expensive than other stores that I like to do my grocery shopping at but I don't think I will be returning to those other stores. Why? Because of the nifty little contraption you see in the pictures. Noah loves driving that car and thinks that he is directing the shopping cart. I can get my grocery shopping done in peace without Noah wanting to eat everything I put in the cart because he is too busy honking the horn or turning the wheel. It's perfect! I would like to give a big hug to whoever invented this thing. I would however like to suggest that they add power steering because Noah seems to crash into everything. 

I'm Sick of Smelling Bad

On Tuesday it was sour breast milk and today it is pee. Yup, that's right today I smell like pee. Why? Well that's because I brought Maia Belle with me to church this morning and was standing in the back of the church service holding her and trying to get her to fall asleep. She was getting fussy so I took her out to calm her down and decided to go change her diaper. When I finished changing her and was headed out the bathroom, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Lo and behold! The entire front of my shirt was soaked! I looked to see if my boobs were leaking. Nope. Then I tried to remember if I was drinking anything. Nope. Then I did the sniff test. Ding ding ding! It was pee! I guess I didn't feel it because I had another shirt on underneath. Aren't diapers supposed to absorb the pee? Usually I could blame myself for leaving her in the diaper too long (I often forget) but this time that was not the case. What the heck was I supposed to do? I still had to be there for another 3 hours which meant I was just going to have to deal with smelling like pee. I am a little tired of smelling unpleasant and would like to smell nice for a whole day but I must come to grips with the impossibilty of that until my kids are grown and out of the house...wait...then I will smell like old lady and that is not pleasant either. Oh man!

What Kind of Mother Am I?

This photo needs to be added to my Questionable Photos post. I put Maia Belle in her swing today so that I could do my facebooking in peace. I decided after not hearing a peep from her for 45 minutes to peel myself away from my addiction and check on her...this is what I found. There she was slumped over in the swing and sound asleep. The worst part about it is that I didn't want to wake her by moving her so I just left her like that and went back to the computer. About 20 minutes later I started to feel guilty for leaving her like that just so I could feed my addiction in peace and I went to move her. As I came around the corner, I saw that she was awake and trying to look at me with her big brown eyes from her awkward position. Talk about a guilt trip! Sheesh! 

Crazy Crack Lady

Last night at 12:30 a.m. I was startled out of my deep slumber by loud obnoxious pounding on my front door. My husband and I jumped out of bed, stared at each other for a minute, then asked at the same time, "What the heck?" The thumping got louder and he quietly walked to the door as I hid behind a wall at the top of the stairs. He looked through the peep hole and whispered up to me that it was a skinny crack addict looking lady

Ricky: (yelling through the door) "Who is it?"

Crack Lady: (Wildly pounding)"Open the f****n door."

At this point, I saw Ricky go for the lock as if to unlock it and open the door. I jumped out from my hiding place and hissed loudly, "Don't open it, are you crazy?" He realized that could be disastrous and decided to heed my hissing and keep yelling through the door. 

Ricky: "Who are you looking for?" 

Crack Lady: "I know who you are. Open the f****n door. You bought a whole bunch of drugs from Albert Medina. Open the door."

Ricky: "Uh...you've got the wrong house. I didn't buy any drugs. Go away." 

Crack Lady: "Well then your girlfriend or some one in your house did. (Pounding) Open the f****n door" 

Me: (once again hissing from my hiding place) "Tell her we're calling the cops." 

Ricky: "I am calling the cops right now. You better leave."

Crack Lady: "I don't have the wrong house. Open the door. I know you bought a bunch of drugs" 

At this point it sounded like she had left and I was in the process of calling 911 who transferred me 3 times to different people. Finally when I got to talk to someone. I told the lady what was going on and here was her non- chalant response "Oh that lady? We've already sent someone out there because of her earlier. (Sigh) I'll send someone out for her again. Bye" 

What?! They had sent someone out for her earlier and they didn't take her to jail? Do they just let crazy crack whores (excuse my language but I lost a lot of sleep over this and was a little distraught) roam the streets of Chino pounding on people's doors in the middle of the night trying to get them to open the door so they can barge in with their posse and rob people? (That may be a little exaggerated but that is what I decided she was going to do.) I couldn't believe it. I lied in bed the rest of the night awake and freaking out thinking of all the horrible possibilities that could have happened. The cops never showed up. But, I did see a man in a mini-van pick the lady up from our alley way. At least I knew she was gone...and so was her posse. 

  The moral of the story, you ask? There is none. I just wanted to tell my scary story. 

Eau De Sour Breast Milk

This morning at work I was sitting in my office pumping and looking at Facebook at the same time since it is my new addiction. I was so engrossed in looking at people's pictures that I forgot to pay attention to the process of being milked. Suddenly, I felt a warm sensation on my lap and looked down to find breast milk all over my lap. The containers were overflowing. I quickly shut off the pump, grabbed the nearest piece of notebook paper, unhooked the pumps and began to attempt clean up. I looked like a crazy woman holding notebook paper up to my chest and using more notebook paper to try to sop up the milk in my lap.  Surprisingly notebook paper does a pretty good job when you've got nothing else available. I managed to soak up what I could and walked to the bathroom holding my hands strategically placed over my skirt to try and cover up the big milk stain. Once there I splashed water on the spot and left the bathroom with a large wet spot in my lap and a slight sour milk odor. Ahhh, the life of a working mom! 

So Far This Morning...

My kitchen got infested with ants and I had to do some much needed deep cleaning

I gave Noah the little broom and dust pan to keep him busy while I cleaned. After about 3 minutes I realized he was no longer in the kitchen. I went looking for him and found him tasting the broom bristles. I tried not to think about how many dust particles, dead bugs, and old food I had swept up with those bristles. 

We went on the fastest family grocery store trip possible. 30 minutes flat. We forgot to get half of the things we needed but still spent the entire budgeted amount. How does this happen? 

Noah has eaten about 100 blueberries and I swear that his poop will be blue. 

I actually got to do one load of my own laundry. This means I will actually get to wear clean clothes this week instead of dirty ones that I keep having to pull out of the hamper for the last 3 weeks. 

I finally have a moment to go take a shower and instead I am blogging....gotta go!!! 

Happy 3 Months My Sweet Maia Belle

Today, you are 3 months old. My, how the time flies. You have grown so fast and I wish time could stand still so I could take in every moment of you. I feel guilty sometimes because I don't hold you as much as I'd like to. It's impossible being that I am a mother of two. But, I do cherish the moments that I do get to hold you. I love to smell you because you smell so sweet. I melt every time you give me a big gummy smile. You are such a happy baby besides when you are in the car or your brother head butts you. I refer to you as my angel baby because you have been sleeping from 10 p.m. to 7:00 a.m. ever since you were 6 weeks old. You are considerate of Mama and know that she would be a complete basket case if you did not sleep as well as you do!  You also are a great napper. I just have to swaddle you and put you down and you go right to sleep. I often pause and stare at you as you sleep because I want to take a mental picture of  your lovely face at each stage of your life.  I pray for you daily. I ask that God would protect you and that He would give me the wisdom to raise you to be a godly woman. I love you my sweet Maia Belle. Thank you for being my little angel. 

Jack of All Trades. Master of None.

I cried yesterday. I am going to blame breast feeding hormones...is there such a thing? I don't know but that is what I am blaming. Last week was a rough one. I started back to work. I work Tuesday thru Thursday and on Sundays (I work for a church.) Noah had a hard time with me going back to work and was extra whiny all week and was really clingy with me whenever I was home. It broke my heart to think that he didn't want me to leave him. Also he usually loves his aunts and uncles and grandparents to hold him and play with him but he was more hesitant last week for fear that if they held him, I would leave. Yep, it pretty much sucked. Sunday was the straw that broke the camel's back. It is normally a rough day for me with the church schedule and all. It started off okay. I took Maia with me to church and Ricky met me there with Noah for the second service. We usually leave to go home at about 12:45 and Maia eats at 1. Well, we didn't end up leaving until a little after one which meant that Maia screamed her head off and gagged herself with her fingers the whole drive home. I felt like a horrible mother. What kind of mother starves her child like that? We got home at about 1:45 and I ran upstairs and fed her.  Noah wanted me to hold him all afternoon and refused to take a nap. And I just kept feeling more and more guilty. I am supposed to leave to go back to work at 5 but because Maia ate late, she was ready to eat at 5 right when I am supposed to leave. I called to say I'd be late. I figured I would leave Maia at home with Ricky and Noah because she wouldn't be hungry again until 8. BAD IDEA! At 7:15 I receive a text from Ricky while I was in church saying that Maia was screaming because she was hungry. I bolt out of church, jump in in my truck and try to race home. What kind of employee arrives late and leaves early? I catch every red light as I make my way to the freeway. My heart is thumping, my boobs inflate with milk, and my mind is going a million miles a minute thinking about what kind of horrible mother starves her kid twice in one day. As I get on the freeway, Ricky calls me and I hear Maia Belle screaming so loudly it hurts my ear, my boobs start to leak. He tells me that he is just going to thaw some of my stored milk and give her a bottle. I begin to cry. He feels bad and says that she is not that bad and he will hold her off for another 10 minutes until I get there. I get home, run upstairs to find a frazzled hubby and baby sucking the life out of a pacifier hoping it will eventually give her some milk. He gives me a funny look as he stares at my milk stained shirt. I sit down to feed Maia and my husband asks me what I want for dinner. I cry harder. What kind of wife leaves no food in the house while she leaves to work with the car seats in the car so that her husband can't leave to get himself something to eat? Thank God that Ricky is just the sweetest husband and didn't once complain about the crying child or being left with no food. 

 So there you have it, I do it all but can't seem to master any of them. Do any of you mothers out there have these kinds of days? 

I'm an Addict

Why did I do it? Why did I give in and start a Facebook profile? I am addicted to my computer as it is. I spend way too much time blogging and reading blogs, emailing, and myspacing. Do I really need something else to add to my computer activities? How am I supposed to change diapers, soothe crying children, cook for my family, care for my husband, go to work, shower and brush my teeth when all I want to do is play on my computer? If you see me around and I look haggard and smelly, it's because I'd rather spend my time facebooking or blogging rather than taking care of myself. Is there a support group for this kind of addiction?  I think maybe I should start one...good idea. We'll hold our meetings via facebook wall-to-wall. 

Confessions

I was grating cheese tonight for dinner and grated my nail into the cheese on accident. I didn't bother looking for it.

I didn't bother going to the doctor right after my Brown Recluse spider bite because I am too cheap. I didn't want to pay for the $30 co-pay and the gas money. 

I let Noah eat food that he has dropped on the floor. I try to get as much of the lint and hair off of it as possible before he puts it in his mouth though.

I get super grossed out to the point of gagging when people put their fingers in Maia's mouth. (Ironic, considering the last confession)

I enjoy picking Maia's boogers out of her nose. 

I really wish that Mid Life Crisis man would get his car re-po'd (You would too, if you had to hear him rev his engine 20 times a day and blast his music so that all of Chino can hear it)

I worry that people will think that I have a potty mouth because of my son's un-refined language skills. Repeating words such as "sit" and "clock" sound offensive when they exit my son's mouth.

I had a moment today where I missed being pregnant. Call me crazy, but I found myself excited to think about being pregnant again in a couple of years.

I broke the law and put my daughter in danger, not once, but three times on the way to and from Mammoth. She was crying so loudly that I took her out of her car seat while we were driving and fed her. I had my Hooter Hider on so that should we pull up next to a cop, they wouldn't be able to tell that I had a baby under there. Noah didn't seem to understand the purpose of the Hooter Hider and kept lifting it saying "There she is!"  

A God Send

A couple of weeks ago I was in a bind. My mother-in-law informed me that she would be out of town on the first week that I would be going back to work. She is supposed to watch my kids on Thursdays and usually if she can't, I ask my mother. However, my mom said that she would be out of town that week as well. I couldn't ask for the day off because it was my first week back after 12 weeks off. I had a dilemma on my hands, then God sent Jen. Jen is the kind of person who would go to the ends of the earth for anybody. She has a generous servant's heart and I am blessed to be able to call her my friend. 

 One night we went to dinner and I mentioned to her how stressed out I was about this situation knowing that she was going to school full time and would not be able to help. To my surprise, without even taking a moment to think about it, Jen offered to babysit my two babies. Jen reads my blog and knows how crazy my kids can be so to confirm that she knew what she was offering I asked, "Are you sure? You do understand that these are the same two kids you read about who cry a lot, have meltdowns, poop all over the place, and cause me to want to drink hard liquor at 9:00 in the morning right?" Without hesitation she again said yes. 

My God Send woke up bright and early this morning, drove all the way to my house in the boondocks, loved my babies for me for the day, and even did the dishes for me. Thank you Jen for being my God Send!

Who Doesn't Love a One Legged Woman?

It took me forever to get that picture. For some reason the camera kept focusing on the long hair on my legs instead of on the spider bite. Anyways, back to the reason for this post...Remember how I told you that I went to Mammoth this weekend? Well, on Sunday, we rented a boat and went fishing and I saw this huge brown spider skitter across the floor of the boat. I didn't want to freak Noah out so I calmly asked my husband to please step on it fast. He did and I forgot about the spider until about 3 hours later when I started to feel an intense itch on my leg. I thought maybe that dang spider got a piece of me before my husband killed it. Fast forward to the next day: My leg is swollen from the shin down, the bite has turned dark red with a blister in the middle and it hurts to stand on it. I Google spider bites and conclude that I have been bitten by a Brown Recluse spider. A poisonous spider. I found all of these disgusting pictures of people's Brown Recluse spider bites and find that people have had to have chunks of skin and fingers removed because of these stupid spiders. GREAT, just what I need: a leg removed. My bite is making the progression that all the articles said it would  and if it continues, I just know that I will end up with a peg leg. My husband says that peg legs are cool but I am not so sure. 

I'm Planning to Be Spontaneous!

I am the type of person who must have a plan for everything. I do not do anything without it being well thought out ahead of time. However, this past Friday, my hubby called me at 11:00 a.m. and said that we should go to Mammoth for the weekend with my family who was already up there. I was having a rough morning with the babies per my previous post and thought, hey I've already taken 3 hours of torture why not subject myself to 5 more torturous hours in a car with two babies for a drive to Mammoth. I don't know what made me say yes, but I did. What followed this phone conversation was mad rushing around the house to gather clothes, toiletries, blankets, portable cribs, food, etc. etc. for our trip. Maia cried as usual from her swing as she watched her crazy mom dash from room to room. Noah kept busy by taking each article of clothing out of the suitcase as I put them in and by making a trail of diapers throughout the house. By the time my husband got home, I looked like I had just run a marathon; sweat was running down my face and all I wanted to do was sleep. He finished packing while I fed the baby and off we went. As we pulled out of the garage at 1:30 p.m., my mind raced to try and think of all the things we may have forgotten. I willed myself to relax, breathe, and enjoy the drive, but the fact that I did not plan this was killing me. Amazingly, we made it up to Mammoth with only one 20 minute stop, one Maia melt down, and one illegal mommy incident (I will not tell you what that is, for fear that someone in Law Enforcement may read my blog). Our trip was wonderful. We relaxed, fished, shopped, and just hung out with the family. We had so many people from my family helping us out with the kids that I think I only changed 2 diapers the entire weekend. This was such a great experience that I have decided to start planning to be spontaneous more often. 

Can We Start Over?

I had an eery feeling this morning when I woke up to Noah crying. Normally, he wakes up happily chattering away with his stuffed animals, so I knew it was going to be a rough morning when he started the day in tears. Ricky and I get up and go through our morning routine of diaper changing, feeding Maia, and giving Noah his milk. Everything seems to be going okay minus a little whining but I can sense that chaos is lurking around the corner. Sure enough as soon as Ricky leaves for work the poop hit the fan! I put Maia down in her bouncer and start to make Noah his oatmeal. She immediately starts crying. Noah's attempts at kissing her head to soothe her result in slobber running down her face and a blow to the abdomen. Needless to say she is now screaming. Shoot! Noah just got a glimpse of the watermelon when I opened the refrigerator and now he is yelling "Naa naa" (watermelon) repeatedly and starting to freak out. I pick Maia up to calm her down and turn off the stove because the oatmeal is boiling over and making a mess that I will never have time to clean up.  With my free arm, I grab Noah by the armpit and put him in his high chair and sit Maia in her swing. Both are screaming. I cut up some watermelon, serve some oatmeal, take a deep breath, ask God to keep me from running out of the house and sit down to feed Noah. He stops crying, thank God. Then, he spots his toy sitting on the table and when I won't give it to him , he starts sobbing uncontrollably.  I pace back and forth between my two screaming children not really knowing what I should do next. I decide that this would be a good time to take a picture. I take a picture of him and then one of Maia so that I will remember this moment forever...okay really the picture was for the blog that I knew would be written about this incident. I say a quick prayer, gather my thoughts and come to  the conclusion that sleep is the best thing for crying children. I swaddle Maia and place her in her crib for a nap even though she just woke up.  I return to the other screaming kid and wipe away the boogers that are starting to make their way into his mouth and talk to him calmly explaining that he needs to eat his breakfast and can have his toy afterwards. He finally stops crying and finishes his breakfast. I take him outside for a little while in an effort to give Maia a quiet environment to fall asleep in. We return to the house 20 minutes later and Maia is asleep. It's time to put kid #2 down. I change his diaper, give him a pacifier, and lie him down in his crib. I pour myself a glass of scotch on the rocks and sit down to blog...don't get all crazy on me, I am totally kidding! Although if I did drink, I'd probably pour myself a glass of wine right about now... Here we are 30 minutes later and all is quiet and peaceful. I can hear myself think and I don't feel like sticking sharp objects in my ears anymore. I survived another mommy morning. The time is 9:53 a.m.