The End of the Day

Because I work part time, there are about four days out of the week where I am with my kids all day long. It seems like no matter how hard I try, on those days, by the time 4:00 p.m. comes around, I look like I just finished running a marathon. My hair is a disaster, my make-up smeared, I am sporting major pit stains, I smell like a men's locker room, and all I want to do is crawl into my bed and close my eyes. My over-all look could be best described as disheveled. I try, I really do try to look good for my hubby and to have the house in order when he comes home from work on Fridays but that is just impossible with the two little hurricanes that I call my children.

I am thinking that someone needs to start a mommy afternoon makeover service. This will consist of a team of 5 people who come to my house 45 minutes before the hubby gets home. One person will be in charge of the kids. They will take the kids outside to stay out of everyone's hair while the makeover is taking place. I will then have 5 minutes to take a shower. The second person, will pick up all toys and clothes laying around the house. They will also do dishes and finish any laundry that is still sitting in the machines and give the house a quick vacuum. The third person will start dinner. The fourth person will do my hair. The fifth person will be in charge of doing my make-up and giving me a 10 minute stress relief shoulder massage. My team of people will disappear 5 minutes before the hubby is due home and when he arrives, I will look refreshed, the house will be tidy, dinner will be in the oven, and I will feel like a successful wife instead of an exhausted marathon runner. Can I get an"Amen?"

My Happy Babies

Potty Mouth

This day was inevitable. I knew it was impossible to avoid it but it still caught me off guard. It is bound to happen to every parent at some point. But yesterday was my day to be completely embarrassed by my child in a public restroom.

It was a series of embarrassing events actually but it started here...We were eating breakfast at a restaurant and Noah informs me that he has to go potty. We go to the public restroom, he does his thing, I am all prepared with the wipes. I ignore the sign directly above the toilet which says, "Do NOT put anything in toilet other than toilet paper." I throw the wipes in the toilet and flush. They do not go down. Noah, flushes again. The stubborn wipes stay in the toilet. Noah, "They're still there mommy, I flush it again?" He tries again to no avail. I tell him that we will just leave them and that somebody else will make them flush. I try to take his mind off it so that when we go back into the restaurant, he doesn't feel the need to share the fact that mommy didn't follow directions. However, as soon as we walk back into the restaurant and he gets a glimpse of my parents, he yells, "THE WIPEES DIDN'T GO DOWN THE TOILET NANA!" I shush him, explain my blunder to my mother, and ignore the stares of all the diners.

Then, as is typical of my son, he has to go the restroom again less than five minutes later. We run to the bathroom, and he sits on the toilet. He hears someone in a nearby stall emptying their bladder and loudly says, "Someone else's going pee pee mommy? Are they standing up or sitting down. They probaly sitting down." I try to tell him to keep his voice down and I whisper that he is right someone else is going pee and they are probably sitting down. As if that was not enough embarrassment for this mommy, a lady steps in the stall directly next to ours and begins to...uh...well...uh...relieve herself. She was quite loud and Noah felt the need to comment on the situation saying, "WHOA MOMMY! THAT WAS A BIIIG FART!" Are you kidding me! I stifle my laughter and clap my hand over his mouth and tell him to be quiet. He looks at me confused and says, "BUT MOMMY, THAT WAS A BIIG FART!" I acknowledge that indeed it was and pray that he hurries up so we can get out of that bathroom before the lady gets out and sees the little boy who is commenting on her bodily functions. We successfully make our escape without being seen and I know that I have just survived the first of many embarrassing public restroom moments with my kid.

I'd really love to hear your embarrassing mommy moment stories so I can feel less embarrassed about mine. Please share in the comments section!

Buzz Lightyear to the Rescue

Every time someone asks Noah what he is going to be for Halloween, he matter-of-factly answers "Buzz Lightyear!" This was not something we'd ever discussed and I never promised him this costume. He just assumed that I was going to take care of that for him, I guess. I have been doing my research to find a decently priced costume but I quickly realized that decently priced Buzz Lightyear costumes complete with the wings, do not exist. The ones through the Disney store are $45.00 and I was not about to pay that kind of money for a costume. I'd given up on my search and decided to just not think about my costume dilemma until October 30th when I'd have to panic. But, God is good. He spared me of an anxiety attack when I found the last Buzz Lightyear costume complete with wings at Costco today for $14.97. It caught my eye as I was on my way to get Edamame. It is a couple sizes too big but we can fix that.

Noah was SOOOOO excited! He could not wait to get home and put it on. Once we put it on him he ran around the house for 15 minutes straight yelling, "To infinity and beyoooond!" Then, I had to break the news to him, that he could not sleep in it. He was devastated. So we compromised by telling him he could wear it to Bup's house on Tuesday (sorry Pam!). Anyways, here is my little Buzz Lightyear...

Photography by Noah and Maia

I just spent forever uploading 465 pictures onto my computer from the camera that Chuck and Pam bought for Noah and Maia. Some of the pictures made me cringe and some made me laugh out loud. Here is what I learned after studying my children's photography...1.)Don't ever let them take pictures of me. They are probably the most unflattering pictures I've ever seen. I think you can see all the way up my nose in the close up Noah took of me. 2.) My children make a HUGE mess when they go to Pam's house (sorry Pam!). 3.) Poor Liam's eyes are probably damaged from how many times my kids caused the camera flash to blind him. 4.)They prefer to take candid shots.

Here is a taste of their photography...

Gallahad

Just when I feel like I am at the end of my mommy rope, like time-out just isn't cutting it anymore, like I've given one too many spankings to no avail, like my child is destined to spend the rest of his life in the "slammer," Gallahad comes to my rescue.

Yesterday, after a long day at work, I went to pick up my kids from Pam's house. As soon as I walked in the door, Noah (holding his Woody toy) says in his whiniest voice, "I don't wanna go home. I wanna watch Cars." A chill goes up my spine as I sense the demon child making himself known. I ignore the urge to exorcise that little demon right out of my child and try to convince him that we will watch Cars at home and that he needs to clean up his toys. He tells me he does not want to clean up and whines profusely. I reason with him some more and threaten a spanking. He throws himself on the floor. I put a toy in his hand and ask him to put it away. He throws it on the floor. I concentrate on keeping my cool. Baby Liam is sleeping so I take Noah outside to spank him. Here is where Gallahad comes in.

Gallahad is Chuck and Pam's big playful Labrador. As soon as we walk outside, he comes over to give us kisses and see if we are coming to play. I kindly ask him to sit and try to get to spanking Noah who is wiggling around and using Woody to cover his little behind so I can't get to it. Gallahad cannot contain himself in all the excitement and gets up from his sitting position to be in the middle of all the action. There I am trying to push the dog away, keep Noah still, and give him a hard enough spanking to get my point across. Somehow I manage. Then, as I am squatting down to be at eye level with Noah and explain that he needs to go back inside, obey, and clean up, I feel something, slimy, cold, and nasty glide across my back. Gallahad had brought his toy which resembled a really big dirty wet sock for me to play with. I grin and bear it accepting that my work clothes are ruined and go back inside.

Again, I hand Noah the toy to put away. Again, he throws it. Again, we go outside to administer a spanking. But, this time right as I am pushing Gallahad away, trying to keep Noah still, and giving a spanking that makes the point; Noah's Woody toy catches Gallahad's eye and he makes a pass at it. Noah screams and pulls the toy away. I get a brilliant idea: "Noah, Gallahad is going to eat Woody if you don't clean up your toys and behave." Gallahad seems to understand and jumps for the toy leaving dog slobber all over Woody's head. Noah screams and begs me not to let Gallahad eat Woody. He goes inside and picks up the toys. I take a deep breath and am tempted to kiss Gallahad even though I am thoroughly grossed out by dogs.

The threat continued to work last night and all day today. Praise the Lord!

Overheard

Here is a conversation I overheard between Ricky and Noah the other day. We'd just arrived home from a long outing and were trying to get the kids out of the car and into the house...

Ricky: Noah, hurry up and get out of your seat! Daddy, has to go pee!

Noah: Go pee pee in your shorts daddy.

Ricky: Ewww Nooo! Daddy needs to go pee pee in the toilet.

Noah: Why?

Ricky: Because Daddy doesn't want to go pee pee in his chonies. Then, I'll have to throw them away! Daddy likes his chonies and doesn't want to throw them in the trash!

Noah: (excitedly) You have Thomas chonies too daddy?!