Jack of All Trades. Master of None.

I cried yesterday. I am going to blame breast feeding hormones...is there such a thing? I don't know but that is what I am blaming. Last week was a rough one. I started back to work. I work Tuesday thru Thursday and on Sundays (I work for a church.) Noah had a hard time with me going back to work and was extra whiny all week and was really clingy with me whenever I was home. It broke my heart to think that he didn't want me to leave him. Also he usually loves his aunts and uncles and grandparents to hold him and play with him but he was more hesitant last week for fear that if they held him, I would leave. Yep, it pretty much sucked. Sunday was the straw that broke the camel's back. It is normally a rough day for me with the church schedule and all. It started off okay. I took Maia with me to church and Ricky met me there with Noah for the second service. We usually leave to go home at about 12:45 and Maia eats at 1. Well, we didn't end up leaving until a little after one which meant that Maia screamed her head off and gagged herself with her fingers the whole drive home. I felt like a horrible mother. What kind of mother starves her child like that? We got home at about 1:45 and I ran upstairs and fed her.  Noah wanted me to hold him all afternoon and refused to take a nap. And I just kept feeling more and more guilty. I am supposed to leave to go back to work at 5 but because Maia ate late, she was ready to eat at 5 right when I am supposed to leave. I called to say I'd be late. I figured I would leave Maia at home with Ricky and Noah because she wouldn't be hungry again until 8. BAD IDEA! At 7:15 I receive a text from Ricky while I was in church saying that Maia was screaming because she was hungry. I bolt out of church, jump in in my truck and try to race home. What kind of employee arrives late and leaves early? I catch every red light as I make my way to the freeway. My heart is thumping, my boobs inflate with milk, and my mind is going a million miles a minute thinking about what kind of horrible mother starves her kid twice in one day. As I get on the freeway, Ricky calls me and I hear Maia Belle screaming so loudly it hurts my ear, my boobs start to leak. He tells me that he is just going to thaw some of my stored milk and give her a bottle. I begin to cry. He feels bad and says that she is not that bad and he will hold her off for another 10 minutes until I get there. I get home, run upstairs to find a frazzled hubby and baby sucking the life out of a pacifier hoping it will eventually give her some milk. He gives me a funny look as he stares at my milk stained shirt. I sit down to feed Maia and my husband asks me what I want for dinner. I cry harder. What kind of wife leaves no food in the house while she leaves to work with the car seats in the car so that her husband can't leave to get himself something to eat? Thank God that Ricky is just the sweetest husband and didn't once complain about the crying child or being left with no food. 

 So there you have it, I do it all but can't seem to master any of them. Do any of you mothers out there have these kinds of days? 

I'm an Addict

Why did I do it? Why did I give in and start a Facebook profile? I am addicted to my computer as it is. I spend way too much time blogging and reading blogs, emailing, and myspacing. Do I really need something else to add to my computer activities? How am I supposed to change diapers, soothe crying children, cook for my family, care for my husband, go to work, shower and brush my teeth when all I want to do is play on my computer? If you see me around and I look haggard and smelly, it's because I'd rather spend my time facebooking or blogging rather than taking care of myself. Is there a support group for this kind of addiction?  I think maybe I should start one...good idea. We'll hold our meetings via facebook wall-to-wall. 

Confessions

I was grating cheese tonight for dinner and grated my nail into the cheese on accident. I didn't bother looking for it.

I didn't bother going to the doctor right after my Brown Recluse spider bite because I am too cheap. I didn't want to pay for the $30 co-pay and the gas money. 

I let Noah eat food that he has dropped on the floor. I try to get as much of the lint and hair off of it as possible before he puts it in his mouth though.

I get super grossed out to the point of gagging when people put their fingers in Maia's mouth. (Ironic, considering the last confession)

I enjoy picking Maia's boogers out of her nose. 

I really wish that Mid Life Crisis man would get his car re-po'd (You would too, if you had to hear him rev his engine 20 times a day and blast his music so that all of Chino can hear it)

I worry that people will think that I have a potty mouth because of my son's un-refined language skills. Repeating words such as "sit" and "clock" sound offensive when they exit my son's mouth.

I had a moment today where I missed being pregnant. Call me crazy, but I found myself excited to think about being pregnant again in a couple of years.

I broke the law and put my daughter in danger, not once, but three times on the way to and from Mammoth. She was crying so loudly that I took her out of her car seat while we were driving and fed her. I had my Hooter Hider on so that should we pull up next to a cop, they wouldn't be able to tell that I had a baby under there. Noah didn't seem to understand the purpose of the Hooter Hider and kept lifting it saying "There she is!"  

A God Send

A couple of weeks ago I was in a bind. My mother-in-law informed me that she would be out of town on the first week that I would be going back to work. She is supposed to watch my kids on Thursdays and usually if she can't, I ask my mother. However, my mom said that she would be out of town that week as well. I couldn't ask for the day off because it was my first week back after 12 weeks off. I had a dilemma on my hands, then God sent Jen. Jen is the kind of person who would go to the ends of the earth for anybody. She has a generous servant's heart and I am blessed to be able to call her my friend. 

 One night we went to dinner and I mentioned to her how stressed out I was about this situation knowing that she was going to school full time and would not be able to help. To my surprise, without even taking a moment to think about it, Jen offered to babysit my two babies. Jen reads my blog and knows how crazy my kids can be so to confirm that she knew what she was offering I asked, "Are you sure? You do understand that these are the same two kids you read about who cry a lot, have meltdowns, poop all over the place, and cause me to want to drink hard liquor at 9:00 in the morning right?" Without hesitation she again said yes. 

My God Send woke up bright and early this morning, drove all the way to my house in the boondocks, loved my babies for me for the day, and even did the dishes for me. Thank you Jen for being my God Send!

Who Doesn't Love a One Legged Woman?

It took me forever to get that picture. For some reason the camera kept focusing on the long hair on my legs instead of on the spider bite. Anyways, back to the reason for this post...Remember how I told you that I went to Mammoth this weekend? Well, on Sunday, we rented a boat and went fishing and I saw this huge brown spider skitter across the floor of the boat. I didn't want to freak Noah out so I calmly asked my husband to please step on it fast. He did and I forgot about the spider until about 3 hours later when I started to feel an intense itch on my leg. I thought maybe that dang spider got a piece of me before my husband killed it. Fast forward to the next day: My leg is swollen from the shin down, the bite has turned dark red with a blister in the middle and it hurts to stand on it. I Google spider bites and conclude that I have been bitten by a Brown Recluse spider. A poisonous spider. I found all of these disgusting pictures of people's Brown Recluse spider bites and find that people have had to have chunks of skin and fingers removed because of these stupid spiders. GREAT, just what I need: a leg removed. My bite is making the progression that all the articles said it would  and if it continues, I just know that I will end up with a peg leg. My husband says that peg legs are cool but I am not so sure. 

I'm Planning to Be Spontaneous!

I am the type of person who must have a plan for everything. I do not do anything without it being well thought out ahead of time. However, this past Friday, my hubby called me at 11:00 a.m. and said that we should go to Mammoth for the weekend with my family who was already up there. I was having a rough morning with the babies per my previous post and thought, hey I've already taken 3 hours of torture why not subject myself to 5 more torturous hours in a car with two babies for a drive to Mammoth. I don't know what made me say yes, but I did. What followed this phone conversation was mad rushing around the house to gather clothes, toiletries, blankets, portable cribs, food, etc. etc. for our trip. Maia cried as usual from her swing as she watched her crazy mom dash from room to room. Noah kept busy by taking each article of clothing out of the suitcase as I put them in and by making a trail of diapers throughout the house. By the time my husband got home, I looked like I had just run a marathon; sweat was running down my face and all I wanted to do was sleep. He finished packing while I fed the baby and off we went. As we pulled out of the garage at 1:30 p.m., my mind raced to try and think of all the things we may have forgotten. I willed myself to relax, breathe, and enjoy the drive, but the fact that I did not plan this was killing me. Amazingly, we made it up to Mammoth with only one 20 minute stop, one Maia melt down, and one illegal mommy incident (I will not tell you what that is, for fear that someone in Law Enforcement may read my blog). Our trip was wonderful. We relaxed, fished, shopped, and just hung out with the family. We had so many people from my family helping us out with the kids that I think I only changed 2 diapers the entire weekend. This was such a great experience that I have decided to start planning to be spontaneous more often. 

Can We Start Over?

I had an eery feeling this morning when I woke up to Noah crying. Normally, he wakes up happily chattering away with his stuffed animals, so I knew it was going to be a rough morning when he started the day in tears. Ricky and I get up and go through our morning routine of diaper changing, feeding Maia, and giving Noah his milk. Everything seems to be going okay minus a little whining but I can sense that chaos is lurking around the corner. Sure enough as soon as Ricky leaves for work the poop hit the fan! I put Maia down in her bouncer and start to make Noah his oatmeal. She immediately starts crying. Noah's attempts at kissing her head to soothe her result in slobber running down her face and a blow to the abdomen. Needless to say she is now screaming. Shoot! Noah just got a glimpse of the watermelon when I opened the refrigerator and now he is yelling "Naa naa" (watermelon) repeatedly and starting to freak out. I pick Maia up to calm her down and turn off the stove because the oatmeal is boiling over and making a mess that I will never have time to clean up.  With my free arm, I grab Noah by the armpit and put him in his high chair and sit Maia in her swing. Both are screaming. I cut up some watermelon, serve some oatmeal, take a deep breath, ask God to keep me from running out of the house and sit down to feed Noah. He stops crying, thank God. Then, he spots his toy sitting on the table and when I won't give it to him , he starts sobbing uncontrollably.  I pace back and forth between my two screaming children not really knowing what I should do next. I decide that this would be a good time to take a picture. I take a picture of him and then one of Maia so that I will remember this moment forever...okay really the picture was for the blog that I knew would be written about this incident. I say a quick prayer, gather my thoughts and come to  the conclusion that sleep is the best thing for crying children. I swaddle Maia and place her in her crib for a nap even though she just woke up.  I return to the other screaming kid and wipe away the boogers that are starting to make their way into his mouth and talk to him calmly explaining that he needs to eat his breakfast and can have his toy afterwards. He finally stops crying and finishes his breakfast. I take him outside for a little while in an effort to give Maia a quiet environment to fall asleep in. We return to the house 20 minutes later and Maia is asleep. It's time to put kid #2 down. I change his diaper, give him a pacifier, and lie him down in his crib. I pour myself a glass of scotch on the rocks and sit down to blog...don't get all crazy on me, I am totally kidding! Although if I did drink, I'd probably pour myself a glass of wine right about now... Here we are 30 minutes later and all is quiet and peaceful. I can hear myself think and I don't feel like sticking sharp objects in my ears anymore. I survived another mommy morning. The time is 9:53 a.m.