Dragons and Whiners

Sometimes, I get these evil bright ideas and then I question my parenting skills...

This morning, before my eyes were even fully opened, my son decided to have a melt down because his sister pushed the power button on the t.v. before he did. I found my blood begin to boil and all I wanted to do was put some ear plugs in and go back to sleep. But, I couldn't. I had to be a parent and teach my son that whining and completely losing it when he doesn't get his way is not acceptable. I rolled myself out of bed, spanked him, had a talk about why that was not acceptable behavior... and then I got the mischievous idea to tell him a story about a whiny boy who got eaten by a dragon...to drive my point home! I am pretty sure that from now on, when my boy begins to whine, all I'll have to say is "the dragon might hear you" and he will be scared into silence. The sad thing is I only feel a slight twinge of guilt...not enough to take back my story.

Insert evil laugh here!

Today's Equation

Cankles + 3 month old pedicure + flip flops = NOT CUTE... HIDEOUS actually

This describes my feet today and I know that you are thankful that you do not work with me and do not have to witness the hideousness. The problem is that I have no shame at this point and so I have no problem exposing my nasty toes and swollen ankles/ feet.

That's all!

28 Weeks and Counting

The third trimester is officially upon me. Scary! I can't imagine adding a third little person to my already crazy life. I am content to let this munchkin bake as long as he needs to. I am so not ready for diapers, sleepless nights, crying, and lack of communication. I'm very scared this time around and I shouldn't be because I've done this twice before. Anyways, enough about my fear and onto lighter things more embarrassing things. Here are some discoveries I've made in my third trimester...



My pre-pregnancy skinny jeans stop the blood flow to my legs but I insist on wearing them anyways. They still fit over my legs and my backside (which has doubled in size). I am very proud of this and will continue to wear them until the seams bust open.



I have zero bladder control. God forbid a sneeze sneak up on me without proper warning or someone makes me laugh a little too hard. This has never happened before and I am thinking that if I were to have more children I would have to wear diapers during my third trimester.



I wake up every morning with swollen fingers, arms, and face. Seriously? What is that all about?



I feel cramps lurking all over my body waiting to launch an attack on my legs, neck, toes, or fingers paralyzing me and causing me to scream in pain...okay that may be a little dramatic but I do get very painful cramps that last for a very long time. Not fun!

My skin hurts. Bring on the stretch marks.

I was hoping to keep my weight gain to a reasonable number. After my doctor's appointment today, my weight gain will end up being very unreasonable in spite of my subtracting 7 pounds each time for my clothes. I loathe that scale.

Exercising totally helps my state of mind but jumping up and down and trying to do sit ups with a massive belly, just looks and feels ridiculous. I feel like my child is just going to drop out as I come down from a jumping jack or that he is screaming in pain as I scrunch him while doing a sit up. But, I am in a much better mental state. Is my sanity worth the pain and awkwardness?

Waddling is NOT cute...and I waddle now.

Overkill?

Sometimes you do whatcha gotta do just to get through the moment, the day, the event etc. At the time, you don't usually think about the later ramifications of your actions. As a pregnant mom of two toddlers, I find that "doing what I gotta do just to make it through" usually involves lots of exaggeration in order to stop a tantrum or keep the peace. Lately, I've learned that the later ramifications could result in major embarrassment. Perhaps you need an example to get a clear picture of what I am trying to say...

This morning as we were driving up to our church, Noah, in a panicked voice said, "Mommy, the Christmas tree is going to catch on fire!" I looked over at the huge Christmas tree in front of our church to see if there was any signs of fire. None. "They haven't taken it down yet and it is going to catch the church on fire!" It all came back to me...

It was the day after Christmas and Ricky and I were ready to "De-Christmas" our house. As we began to take the decorations off our tree, both of our toddlers started into a full-blown melt down, "Why do we have to take down the tree?" "But, why can't it be Christmas forever?" "NOOOOO, don't take down the decorations." "Waaaaaaaaaa!" "It IS still Christmas!" You get the picture. I was in cleaning mode and did not have time to console whiny, angry, tantrum throwing children. So, I did what I had to do. I asked them, "Do you want our whole house along with all of your new toys to catch on fire?" Immediately they stopped their whining and stared at me wide-eyed. "Yup, if we leave the Christmas tree up, it will dry up and catch on fire and then our house will burn down with all your stuff in it. That's why we have to take it down." Both kids, quickly began to help us take the ornaments off the tree and place them into the storage bins.

You see what I mean? I did what I had to do at the moment to maintain peace and get on with my day. Little did I know that 2 weeks later, my son would remember my vivid description of our house burning down due to a tree that was left up too long. So, this morning when he was worried about the tree at our church catching on fire, I was caught a little off guard. Then, I remembered that I was the reason he would think that and now had to figure out a way for him not to tell that to anyone at the church lest they think I am a horrible mommy who scares her kids to death.

While I'm confessing my exaggerations, here are some more...

To stop the melt down that was occurring because we were not being able to go to see the animals at an animal shelter type place, I told my kids that a tiger bit a man's hand and we couldn't go because the tiger might bite them too. (In my defense, this was semi-true. One of the trainers had been bit by a cougar that day).

To get them to eat their food at a restaurant, I pointed out a police man in uniform sitting near us and let my kids know that he would take them to jail if they did not eat all their food. They ate quickly and quietly.

I have many others that involve junk food causing worms in their stomachs to not holding my hand in the parking lot resulting in a smashed head. Like I said, you do whatcha gotta do. I may be a little dramatic but hey, it works...as long as they don't repeat it!

Redefining the Word "Fun" When Snow is Involved

We've decided that we will take our kids to the snow once a year as a fun family trip. And this year we wanted to double the fun by going with our friends Tim and Kathy and their two toddlers (whom my kids adore). Who knew that we (the parents) would find ourselves going insane (or in my case false labor) over this crazy idea of a "fun" trip?!

First of all my poor daughter, cannot handle any sort of windy road. The girl was pale as a ghost and gagging into a barf bag for half of the drive up the mountain. Then, when we arrived at our destination, we thought it would be a good idea to get the kids into their snow gear "real quick" and let them work off some energy playing in the snow. I think it took us about 2 hours to get those 4 toddlers plus ourselves into snow clothes. My goodness! Between, the tantrums, the whining over not wanting to wear the bulky clothes, finding clothes that fit, trying to get my two year old to figure out how to place her fingers in the gloves, and then having my child tell me that she had to go potty after I had just finished bundling her up was enough to make my body start having a major case of Braxton Hicks contractions and cramping in my extremities. Not to mention I was a ball of sweat and just wanted to go to sleep rather than have to carry my kids through the 3 feet of snow. I never knew it would be so complicated! But, it made for some great pictures. This was just the first few hours of our trip. The night proved to be a whole other story of crying and sleeplessness and parents on the verge of insanity.

In spite of of all the hard work and sleeplessness, we were able to squeeze in some fun! Here are some pictures!

Sometimes You Just Need a Good Laugh

This picture is my inspiration to keep exercising and not give into my pregnancy cravings.

Large and Not Really In Charge

Okay so I know you're going to think I am so vain after reading this post, but once again, let me remind you that this blog is for my confessions and so I am going to confess...

The other day we went to the beach with my brother and took lots of pictures. It was a beautiful day and we had a wonderful time. However, when we got home and uploaded the pictures, I was appalled! When did I get so huge?! I mean it's not just my belly! My face, my arms, my legs, and the rest of my body has just blown up (I am not brave enough to post the close up pictures). So, of course I sulked and ate Carl's Jr. and some chocolate. Then, I decided I was going to start working out again. Even though I can't really lose weight right now, at least I can exercise for my state of mind right? I put in my new Jillian Michaels DVD and have now been working out for 6 days straight. I feel much better about my large self now and am trying to convince myself that my arms are surely getting toned again.

Yesterday, I got a little too brave and tried Level 2. All I have to say is, WOW! I am much too competitive for my own good. After the warm up, I realized that this was going to be much too difficult for me, but I could not stop. I am not a quitter. I had to finish it. So, there I was with my roly poly body trying to pop myself up onto my feet from a lying down position without using my hands... let's just say, that if I had a video of myself, you would all be peeing in your pants because of how ridiculous I looked...and that was only 1 minute of the 30 minute work out.

By the time I was done, I was dry heaving on all fours and I could not stop shaking nor could I move. My husband sat staring at me from the couch shaking his head at me in a "there is something seriously wrong with you" sort of way, and my kids looked so worried they could cry. It must have left a strong impression on my kids' minds because this morning, the first thing Noah said to me when he saw me was, "Mommy, you should not do that new exercise anymore. That's not a good idea. You should just do the other ones."

We'll see if I choose to torture myself again...

A Day at the Aquarium