My Goal in Life is To Drive My Mom Crazy

Hi, I'm Maia and I made of sugar and spice, and a lot of sass! See, these sassy sunglasses I am wearing? I got them by throwing a tantrum. Yup! I wanted Mommy's sunglasses and didn't get them, so I screamed and cried and threw a fit (my 7th one of the day) and finally my mommy gave in and bought me my own pair of sunglasses. I can be cute as a button but if I don't get my way, then I will make everyone around me miserable until I get what I want!

Is This Normal?

So my daughter is finally starting to get the hang of going #2 in the toilet, but I am a little concerned about her imagination when it comes to her poop. Today as she was sitting on the toilet, she would turn around every so often to study the contents of the toilet. She informed me that there was a "tiger poop," a "baby tiger poop," and a "butterfly poop!" Ay yaiy yaiy!

Confessions for July

I got in a yelling match with my 2 year old daughter.

Ricky and I laid in bed and laughed until we cried the other night.

I am not very good at teaching my kids the basics about cars. Noah: "We need to get gasoline so we don't get a flat tire."

A kid bullied Noah last week. I saw the kid again on another occasion and I gave him a dirty look. He is 4, I am a grown woman. I am not proud of this, but I can't say I wouldn't do it again.

After taking Noah to the bathroom the other day, I exclaimed, "Sheesh Noah, that is a man poop!" I hear a little voice down the hallway say, "And, I have girl poops."

I obviously am a glutton for punishment. I put Maia in Sleeping Beauty chonies today and went to the bookstore. During story time, she looked at me with that same face from two weeks ago and said "I gotta go poop!" To make matters worse, she was on the stage in front of all the kids during this occurrence. It was Deja Vu of the last experience, minus the escaped poop ball. GROSS! I think the bookstore is a laxative for my daughter.

The Differences Between Boys and Girls

Random conversation in the backseat of the car...

Noah: Mommy, when I get big I want 5 kids.

Maia: Mommy, I want pink and purple kids!

Conversation over what color Skittles they want...

Noah: I want 2 green ones!

Maia: Green is for booooyyys. I want 2 purple ones.

Noah and Maia pretending they are Buzz Lightyear and a Princess...

Noah: We gotta go shoot Zurg with my laser!

Maia: Hold my hand Noah. We gonna get married.

And then...

Maia: Oh no Noah! I fell down. Hold me!

Noah: I'm shooting Zurg! Get up!

Flustered!

Today was supposed to a nice relaxing day off with the kids. One where we just spend all day in our jammies and lounge around. Instead it became a day of pure chaos.

This morning Maia decided she wanted to make my coffee. This is not unusual as I have a Keurig coffee maker and all she has to do is put the K-cup in and push the button. However, today Miss Maia tried to add the Splenda like mommy does. That is, while the steaming hot coffee is brewing into the cup, she attempts to pour the Splenda packet in at the same time. I (being the air head mommy that I am) didn't realize this until I heard a blood curdling scream, turned around and saw her little fingers in the midst of the piping hot coffee stream. I immediately put her fingers under cold water, but for the next 2 hours she screamed and cried in pain. I tried aloe vera, Neosporin, and some other ointment that I found in my cabinet for burns. Nothing relieved the pain.

Then, about an hour into the screaming, I heard a knock on the door. It was the cleaning lady! I'd forgotten today was the day my house gets cleaned. I answered the door in my ghetto, holey jammies complete with bed head and a screaming child on my hip. I apologized for my appearance, the hysterical child, and my nightmare of a house all while picking things up off the floor out of embarrassment.

I peel Maia off of me, run into my room, put on decent clothes and notice a text on my phone reminding me of a time sensitive project that needs to get done ASAP. Just then, Noah runs in my room with his hands over his ears on the verge of tears saying, "Maia is hurting my ears." It took everything within me at this point not to throw myself on the floor and scream and cry alongside both of my kids. I took a deep breath, willed myself not to cry, and breathed a quick prayer. Then I started thinking...I am a mom of 2 toddlers. I have been in these types of situations many times before and lived to tell about it. This is not the end of the world. Put on your super mom cape and figure it out.

With renewed determination, I texted and called some family members to ask for advice. I placed Maia's hand in ice water and gave her some Motrin which finally gave her relief and gave me, Noah, and the cleaning ladies relief from her loud screaming. I put on a good babysitting movie and sat down at the computer to finish my project. Once that was done, I got around to folding laundry and picking up the many toys, shoes, and clothes lying around the house.

I must say that after my chaotic morning, instead of feeling exhausted, I feel empowered! I kept my composure, I did not yell at anyone, I comforted my children, and I accomplished everything I needed to accomplish for work. Yup, go ahead, you can just refer to me as Super Woman from now on!!!

More From Cancun

Our trip to Cancun was made up of all the things that make a vacation GREAT!

Beautiful surroundings...

Adventures with great friends...

Lots of relaxation...

Lots of yummy food...

And of course exotic wildlife (notice how the boys are in none of these pictures!)

Potty Training is Not For the Weak Stomached

Potty training Maia is turning out to be much easier than potty training Noah. I was planning to wait until the end of the year to start potty training, but she decided she wanted to go potty in the toilet right now. So, I wasn't going to tell her no and ruin my window of opportunity! Anyways, although it has been easier, it has not been without it's interesting moments. You see, she does great going pee in the potty and has had zero accidents, but she has not yet gotten the poop in the potty part down yet.

Today, I decided to see if I put her in Cinderella chonies instead of in a pull up, she would go poop in the toilet instead of in her chonies. Before we left the house I said, "You don't want to poop on Cinderella's face do you? If you poop on her face, then mommy will have to throw your chonies away and Cinderella will have to go in the trash." Sounded like pretty good motivation to me. However, Maia obviously did not see it as any form of motivation whatsoever...

Maia is sitting on the floor in the book store reading a book when she pauses looks up at me with a pained look on her face, leans side ways, and lifts one butt cheek up off the floor. I instantly panic and yell "NO!" I stand her up and see a lump in her chonies. I grab her hand and quickly run toward the ladies' room. I am trying to be discreet. She is crying loudly. To my absolute horror, I see a tiny brown ball roll out onto the floor as we are making our way through the children's section. There is no time to stop and pick it up, besides I have nothing to pick it up with. I pray no one discovers it until I have a chance to get back to it. I pick Maia up, hold her at arms length hoping that will help contain any more poop balls that may try to escape from her chonies, and I speed walk the bathroom. As far as I know, no one knows that I am in a crisis or that there is a human poop ball on the floor in the children's book section of the bookstore.

I reprimand Maia, throw Cinderella in the trash, clean up my daughter as best as I can with toilet paper as she sits on the toilet (no seat cover, gross I know), and proceed to disinfect her at the sink (Thank God no one walked in as I held my bare bottom child over the sink cleaning her with soap and water).

All the while, I am praying that the poop ball is undisturbed and that I can get to it before anyone steps on it. We walk out of the bathroom, Maia is going "commando." I am asking God to let no one discover that she has no chonies on that I might be spared a visit from CPS for inappropriately exposing my daughter. I walk straight to the spot where the run-away poop ball had landed and almost let out a squeal of delight when I catch a glimpse of it un-smooshed. I nonchalantly grab a piece of scrap paper out of my purse, quickly glance at my surroundings to make sure no one is watching, swoop down and pick up the escapee with the paper, and throw it in a nearby trash can. Phew! Maia and I swiftly walk toward the exit, being sure not to make eye contact with anyone lest our guilty faces give us away. I had a vision of the sensors beeping loudly as we made our way out the door and a loud voice coming over the speaker announcing to everyone what had just transpired. That did not happen. We exited unnoticed and made it to the car where a pull-up was waiting for Maia.

Note to self: Always put Maia in a pull-up! It's okay if she still goes poop in a pull-up when she is 10. At least you will not ever have to worry about her pooping on the floor in a public place.